How Do You Get Over A Boy

The heart spent a lot of time caring on the other person but now that it’s over it doesn’t know what to do, so it continues using the momentum and force of love that has been moving it. Closure is needed on this chapter in your life, but do you think you're clinging? If the relationship were something serious like a marriage or perhaps a long term relationship, spend longer feeling things through. But when it was a crush or something less crucial, start pushing yourself towards healing. Was it really serious? Was he right for you anyways? Did he have flaws? Would you have to alter a lot of things in order for it to work? If you had a lot of negative to mention to those inquiries, it’s possibly time to move on anyways.

Are there things that you may do to help you get over someone? If there are, what are they? Loving someone may be strong and liberating such as flying. But when it comes to an end, getting the hurt to stop could be like stopping a train. It still moves with the momentum that carried it through. Luckily, there are things you can do to make you feel better.

1. Get the closure you need
Getting the closure you need is crucial for your healing. Take some time to write down the questions you would like answered. Why did it end? Was it my fault? Was it him? Sometimes the only method to get the closure you need is to ask the man himself. This step will take some boldness, however it’s significant for your healing. Without knowing why, you’ll be opposing doubts that may not even be true. Your healing process will take longer as well. If you’re not comfortable talking face to face; then perhaps through a letter, or text or even email. Asking him the questions you need isn’t a sign of weakness. Remember he owes you the closure you deserve, and might be hurting just as well. You don’t have to make it about him, make it about the relationship. “I was just wondering why this relationship didn’t work”. Like the end of a chapter you won’t be ready to move on until this chapter closes.

2. It begins with the correct attitude
Like a lot of things in life, healing begins with the appropriate attitude. Much like running in a long distance race, if we give attention to the pain, the pain becomes more painful. But runners are trained not to focus on the pain. Only through embracing the appropriate attitude is the strength achieved.. I’m not saying that your emotions weren’t real, or that you shouldn’t feel the way you do. I'm saying that you will recover from him. How long you will need will depend on your attitude of how badly you want to let go, and stop hurting. Your friends can ease you, but ultimately your healing is going to be driven from something inside of you. If you’re clinging on to him you need to let go. When you think to yourself about him, it’s okay to hurt, so long as there's a voice inside that says, “I wish to get over him”. If there’s no voice it’s a good sign that you’re clinging on. Building up this voice, this attitude, may be done by verbally affirming them by talking out those thoughts. You can take any action you want to try and get over him, but if there’s no attitude it will not mean a lot.

3. Stay on good terms
Going to bad term with your ex will only enlarge feelings of rejection and bring up greater resentment. By nature resentment and unforgiveness fasten our minds onto a single target. They become the focal point. They have a way of never letting go. Negative thoughts are harder to forget and easier to come back to our minds than positive ones. Counter intuitively, forgiveness creates space in our hearts, it has a way of releasing us. Forgetting about him is what you’re trying to do, not be hung up on him. Fights also have a way in replaying in our minds. Ever been in a fight with someone and thought about it for days after? People have a need for peace. We intuitively seek it. It’s in our nature to be drawn to places like cabins, beaches, and stress free environments. Being on unhealthy terms with your ex is just going to create more tension than needed. But let’s say you stay on good terms. There’s less rejection in this position because they still care for you as a friend. There are no negative feelings locking your heart and mind to him. Also when you’re over him and wondering about his life, you can just ask him. You’ll find out that he lives a normal life just like every other guy you’ve dated. Then you’ll realize it’s cool because you don’t have those same feelings for him as you used to.

4. Keeping your distance
You may know that it's the right thing to do, but are you doing it? Don't keep things of his around that will just remind you of him (unless they’re expensive, then give them to a friend to hang on to until your over him). Let them go. While you were in love, your brain released endorphins that made you feel good when you thought of him. Trinkets and places can jog your memory, re-triggering these endorphins which bring up those emotions again. The good news is the human brain can only make so many of these endorphins, at one point it won't be able to anymore. Avoid going to restaurants and places that remind you of him, until later.

5. Accept affirmation

After a break-up most people dealt with 2 issues, maybe without knowing it. The first being you miss him. The second hidden feeling is rejection. Feelings of rejection should be soothed through affirmation. There are great things about yourself that you need to remember. After all, he did fall for you didn’t he? In this hard time it helps to focus on the great things about yourself. Make a list and keep it by your pillow. Ask your friends what they love most about you. With daily encouraging reminders you’ll soon realize, it was his loss.

6. Embracing the truth
In this emotional period you’ve most likely got a lot of thoughts running around inside your head. Thoughts like; he was the only one for you, or you'll never find another as good as him. As much as you don't want to hear it, it's very true. And beating yourself up using unrealistic lies will only hurt you further. You're very vulnerable in this time right now. Our moods and attitudes will effect what we believe about ourselves. In this difficult time it’s tricky to see things objectively and harder to see positively. Obsessing over these false ideas only keeps us in a spiral of hurt and should be avoided as best as possible. Being aware of the truth that there are others out there for you can help. You will meet someone and fall for them again. Ask your girlfriends, get support that it will happen again. Handle one thought at a time.

7. Spending time on yourself
Go for a spa treatment, a bike ride, do something you love, treat yourself. Not only will it be a good distraction, but will release different endorphins in the brain to help you feel better. Mostly, it’ll replace the daily time frame of “daily kicking yourself”.

8. Understanding the waves
Your feelings for him may come and go and rise and fall, just like the waves of the ocean. It doesn’t mean that you’re not making progress, or that you’ll never get over him. It is part of the way we deal with the healing process. We feel better and think were healed, then the pain can surprisingly come back another day. The process is much like the waves of the ocean, but they normally come and go. But regardless of the waves, remember that the tide does eventually go down.

9. Looking at others
Get your eyes off of yourself, and start looking at other guys. Looking at other guys is a great method of taking your focus off of, what’s his name again… He didn’t have abs like that guy.

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