How Do I Get My Husband To Respect Me: My Husband Treats Me With No Respect - My Husband Speaks Rudely To Me

Respect is something married couples desire from their partners. But this is not a given and is not also one you impose that your spouse should do for you. Rather, it is earned by a person through proper attitude and dealings with people.

In marriage, it is the responsibility of couples to be respectful of each other. Gaining respect is possible particularly for those in the right relationship where the husband and wife treat each other properly. When each is given a high regard by the other partner, there's inspiration and joy among the couple and this can spread throughout the whole family.

There are various ways you can get yourself in a respectful relationship. Being thankful to your spouse is just one of them.

An act of gratitude can go a long way. Isn't it that as kids, we were taught by our parents to say thank you when we receive something good from them or from other people? This trait should not be lost in adulthood and in marriage. When you know how to be grateful for your partner, you're showing your appreciation for all the things he or she does.

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So take a moment to thank him or her for both the major things and even the minor things that your partner do for you and the entire family. Show it and not just keep it to yourself. In short, say it loud and proud. Whether you got flowers or a short call from your spouse working at the office, don't forget to say thank you. It makes a difference no matter what you think of it.

Another trait that will let you earn your spouse's respect is being able to accept your wrongdoings no matter how trivial. It may be difficult sometimes to say you're sorry particularly if you think you didn't do anything wrong but it won't hurt as well if you apologize. Doing so will not diminish your dignity but in fact, your act will be much appreciated.

Try also to put yourself in your partner's shoes. This will make you feel what it's like to be in his or her situation. In other words, you need to consider your spouse's feelings first before yours. In this way, you will know what the other's reaction is.

As an example, ask yourself what will your partner feel if you give him or her the silent treatment after a small fight or if you go out with a female colleague often in the case of a husband. For sure, you wouldn't want to be hurt one way or another.

So this leads us to the basic trait of being nice to your partner. Isn't it that we should not hurt the people we love the most? If so, then we need to treat the other well in order for us to get the same kind treatment. Remember the words of Confucius in his golden rule which says "Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you."

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Sometimes couples come to see me in therapy, and one or more of the spouses say they're considering leaving. And just sometimes, there's something I can see within their partnership early on that shows me for sure that this is a marriage that's worth saving. They just have the Right Stuff. Read about Judith and Jay, and think if there are situations in your marriage that are like this; and, if there are-might you and your spouse just have the Right Stuff, too?

Judith and Jay had a checkered relationship, as so many long-term marrieds do. They had weathered raising the children, as well as the empty-nest syndrome. Sometimes she drove him round the bend with her non-stop chatter and tendency to cheer-lead; she sometimes considered offing him when he went into one of his political tirades, or went into one of his creature-of-habit routines (a diet Coke goes with pasta, a Pepsi is for peanut butter and jelly), or decided--one more time--he needed a new job and discussed how he'd make it big next time.

So it wasn't a crisis but rather some long-term disappointments that brought them into my office for couples therapy. She was restless in the relationship, he was feeling unsupported; should they consider a separation?

I thought they had a lot of raw material, and could see a good path for them if they were willing to do the work, but there was one telling incident that tipped the scales for me, about whether they could make it as a couple.

Jay was a coffee-drinker--he pretty much downed the stuff by the gallon. And during the long hours he spent at home between jobs [next time would be the big one, he assured us both], he drank it from the glass mugs with the appliqued decoration of a pear.

You may ask how I know this detail--but it's more relevant than you might at first suspect.

Judith was a thrift-shop junkie--she could happily pass hours going from one store to the next, and each beautiful item in the couple's home had a place and a history--and an astoundingly good price. She would relate their tales to anyone who would listen--but Jay didn't number himself in her story fan-club.

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One day Judith came home with four exquisite off-white ceramic mugs, totally unique in their design. As always she asked if Jay liked them; as always she got a mono-syllabic response. So, pleased enough with the mugs she now had, she brought in her 11 glass, pear-enhanced glass mugs into a far-off thrift shop that was outside her usual limits, but one she knew made better offers [if they were a bit snooty]. She determined it was worth leaving them there, given the price the shop thought they could get. She kept this rather mundane detail to herself, as Jay had trained her to do.

So imagine Jay's surprise--if we can call it that; Jay's a pretty low-emotioned guy--when he went to pour himself a cup of coffee and sit, perusing job possibilities on the computer, sipping from his usual mug--only to find his usual mug missing. If Jay were the Encyclopedia Brown type he might have made a whole tale of the "The Missing Mug," but instead he did the most sensible thing--he shouted for his wife and asked her where the pear mug was.

Judith was more than happy to explain the saga of the mugs, but Jay cut her off, less interested in narrative than in the bottom line.

"You gave away my mug?" he asked, horrified [for Jay].

"Honey, I got you four new mugs, beautiful ones."

"But," was the retort, "I always drink my coffee from that mug."

"Well now," responded Judith, "you'll always drink your coffee from a different mug."

But Judith wasn't prepared for Jay's feelings of loss, and he kept up a steady stream of complaint.

"I don't just drink coffee in it, you know. I drink water, too. And water tastes better in a glass mug." "These mugs have a funny aftertaste; they make my coffee taste weird." "I don't like the grip of these new mugs--they feel like they'll just slip out of my hand."

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Had Judith felt that Jay should go back to his job searches and leave the topic of mugs far behind, I certainly couldn't have blamed her. But that isn't what happened.

On a blustery February day, Judith brushed off the car, fought Chicago traffic, and and headed back to the thrift shop with the mugs in it. The saleswoman looked up with a questioning and not the slightest bit welcoming glance. She explained that she'd brought in 11 mugs several weeks ago, and now, for some convoluted reasons, needed a mug back.

The response was glacial. "But that isn't how we do things, here, Judith. You brought in a set, we wrote it up and gave you a receipt--it's done, now; it's not yours anymore." They were surprisingly difficult about returning the mug, implying Judith was behaving out of the bounds of thrift-shop-etiquette. She felt somewhat like a beggar, and wasn't enjoying this experience. Judith must have felt persecuted from all sides by this particularly liquid-holder, but she persevered, and finally said,

"Look. My husband is very attached to this mug, and it makes him happy to have it. I really need it back for him, and if you won't sell 10 mugs, then I'll take the whole set back."

Yes, Judith got her mug back, and yes, I believe they finally sold the 10-mugged set and cut Judith a check. But, to be honest, I didn't care about that. To me, a mug is a mug.

But to Jay, clearly, a mug is not just a mug--and Judith, to whom a mug is a means to more shopping, proved something about her marriage in her quest for the return of the pear-appliqued glass. She proved that she was willing to swallow her pride, look away from a good argument, pass up a chance to pick on Jay's foibles; all just to make her husband happy.

This couple had the Right Stuff to make it work.

Maybe you and your spouse do, too.

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Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. There are couples that have been married happily for years. So what keeps these marriages going strong until death? I don't believe it is just one factor that keeps couples together forever. I think it is several contributing factors all rolled into one that work together and here they are.

1. Commitment

The most important and number one element for making marriage work is commitment. There is no doubt in my mind that being fully devoted to your marriage is a significant factor in its longevity. Couples that are committed are more apt to work through their differences and find compromising solutions. They are more aware of the blessings that marriage can bring and I believe because of their commitment they are more tolerant of each other's flaws. Couples who are committed tend to accept each other for who they are rather than try and change one another.

2. Respect

The second most important factor contributing to a healthy, fruitful, and abundant marriage is respect for each other's position in the home. For an example, I respect my husband and his position. I surrender to him in those particular areas where I should because I respect his judgment and guidance. I realize this is how he shows his love for his family. I have full confidence in my husband that he will lead his family in the way he should under the direction of Jesus Christ.

My husband respects my position. If my husband did not respect me, he wouldn't care what I did with my life; therefore he would not be protecting me the way he is supposed to according to God. This is how spiritual headship in marriage works. We have to allow our husbands to be the masculine influence in the home, because that is what works! I have three teenage sons and I want their dad to be the man around our home. What kind of an influence would we be showing our three sons, if their dad cringed with fear, while I constantly bossed him and belittled him?

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I have done my research, a domineering and bossy wife and mother is not good for a young boys growing up years. It challenges their identity and later when they are older, they think they have failed as young men and they get ideas that are not of God. A man's position of spiritual influence and authority in the home is how he shows his undying love for his wife and family. That is the way a man can truly show his love, so let him do it!

I am fortunate enough to not have to go out of the home to work because my daily responsibilities are in the home. From home schooling two of my sons to cooking meals, from cleaning our home to gardening, from writing projects to updating our marriage ministry, and taking care of everything in between, I can honestly say my life and marriage is fully blessed.

What would happen if my husband belittled my cooking, or chastised me about the way I cleaned the home, or didn't like how I expressed myself on paper? I would not be blessed anymore because my self worth would be getting attacked. A man should never treat his wife this way! A husband who treats his wife in this manner won't have a very happy marriage.

In the same way, what if I scoffed at my husband's judgment and guidance over his family? Now that wouldn't be good, would it? Or what if I constantly berated him about the way he dresses or disciplines the children? Wouldn't that be disrespectful? Of course it would. These kinds of attitudes will literally tear a person down and it will eventually break the marriage apart!

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3. Submission

So with that said, my last contributing factor for a happily ever after marriage is acceptance of each other, which is actually another form of submission. When we allow each to do what each does best we are actually submitting to each other, which is scriptural. Be loving and tolerant of each other is what God wants us to do.

Husband's, pay attention and watch how you treat your wife. Be gentle with her, always grateful that God blessed you with the woman you married. She needs your support and love everyday. Make time for her. If there is something special you would like for dinner, let her know, but don't put down her cooking, or belittle her calling with the Lord. Let her be.

Wife's, pay attention and watch how you treat your husband. Surrender to his influential position that God gave him and let him "be" the man of his home. Remember when a man protects you from harm, and tells you what is best for you, it probably is not selfish control, but his way of showing how much he loves you. Don't belittle him with harsh words of criticism or treat him like one of the children. A husbands calling is to love his family, so let him do that, and your marriage will be happily forever after.

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