***Empty Nesters Ask, Now What?

Written by Natalie Caine, M.A.

Easter and Passover are around the corner.

Traditions are being reinvented. Parents are calling me with good news and bad news. Yes, their children are getting those acceptance emails to college and yes, this means they are really leaving in the summer. Get the best aloe Kleenex you can find.
Change is inevitable. How well have you done with changes in your past? What seems to work for you and what collapses you?

I need to pace myself and get out of my chattering head. Confession time… I have actually been one of those young women that stuffs Kleenex up my sleeve like grandma did so that I won’t be caught in the ugly cry without a wipe.

Get to know who you are and aren’t when it comes to changes. Do you busy yourself all day and then clean at night after dinner? Do you need a walk in nature? Do you flip the channels and eat cereal in bed? Do you like sorting what’s in your head that is causing you anxiety by writing or chatting with a friend? You might do a combination of activities to move through change.

My favorite thing these days is to get out into my garden of planted cucumbers, tomatoes, basil and rosemary and watch them grow. I love that element of surprise when I see what was once a tiny seed of a plant that I planted, pop into a growth spurt. In the evening, before seven, I go in the little garden, again, to hear and watch the finches gather their night snack. My neighbor said I look like a robber with my ski cap on but, what can I say, I don’t like to be cold and I do like being in the garden.

Start to notice what lifts you and what brings you down. A mother told me during our telephone consultation that the chatter was getting so loud in her head that she needed ear muffs. Strategy was for her to say to herself, enough already, stop talking to me. I’m leaving. She needed to say stop and to move. It worked for her because it cut the perseveration of chatter. The movement of going outside helped her focus on what was right in front of her and not behind or ahead of her. She gets more present when she moves.

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