An emotional affair is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought. It is when two people, who are not spouses, have an emotional relationship that causes problems with their marriages including: intimacy issues, creating emotional distance between spouses, and negatively impacting the marriage relationship. This type of affair does not involve sexual contact; but, is believed to be more detrimental to a marriage than a physical affair. It is also the most common affair for a woman to have.

An emotional affair almost always starts as a healthy and completely normal friendship with someone of the opposite sex. But, at some point the friendship crosses the line into attraction and then obsession. Once you are attracted to someone your brain releases powerful chemicals that keep you hooked on that person like a drug. It's the same chemical that caused you to fall in love with your spouse in the first place! Just like any other drug, an emotional affair can cause you to do things you would never normally do. Mix in feeling like your spouse do esn't understand you, treat you well, or cannot meet your emotional needs and you can understand how powerful and dangerous this kind of affair can be.

It was the kind of affair I had the first year my husband and I were married. When we walked down the aisle eight months earlier I never thought that this was where we would find ourselves less than a year later. But, the truth is we are all susceptible to infidelity. If we don't learn the warning signs and safeguard our marriage any one of us can find ourselves dealing with things we never imagined wondering, "How in the world did I get here?" Today I want to share with you 18 warning signs that you, or your partner, could be involved in an emotional affair*.

18 Warning signs of an Emotional Affair
1. You start to withdraw from your spouse (You avoid emotional & physical intimacy).
2. You are preoccupied with thinking about your friend and anticipating the time when you can be together again.
3. You start to share your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.
4. You find yourself criticizing your spouse and sharing personal marital information with your friend ("My husband /wife never..." "My husband/wife has a problem with...").
5. You want to spend less time with your spouse.
6. You fantasize about marriage with your friends ("My life would be so much better if I had jut married him/her instead.").
7. Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
8. You don't allow your spouse full access to your modes of communication including email, texts, and phone messages.
9. You keep your friendship secret from your spouse.
10. You start to compare your spouse to your friend ("If only my spouse was nice to me like he/she is...")
11. Your friendship causes arguments between you and your spouse.
12. Jealousy starts to develop in your spouse ("He/She sure pays a lot of attention to you...").
13. You start to develop rituals with your friend (E.g. any experience that is shared and anticipated by the two of you, like getting coffee every Tuesday morning).
14. Experiencing a "shiver" when your friend shares feelings or touches you.
15. Allowing sexual content into your conversations with your friend.
16. Corporate dating (taking advantage or business trips, or other activities, that allow you to be alone together.
17. You find reasons to give gifts to your friend. (You pick up a pack of mints for them at the gas station because you know they are their favorite.)
18. When confronted about your friendship you say, "We are just friends".

If you see yourself, or your spouse, in many of these statements it is probably time for you and your spouse to get help. Look for a trusted counselor, a marriage coach, or a pastor who can help you and your spouse navigate your way towards forgiveness and restoration. Don't live in shame any longer. Reach out for help.

*Many of the warning signs came from Reverend Dave Carder's Book, Close Calls: What Adulterers Want You to Know About Protecting Your Marriage.

Author's Bio: 

Raychel Chumley, aka “The Wife Coach”, is a wife and mother, a writer, an inspirational speaker, a Life and Marriage Coach, and the creator of This Beautiful Life Coaching Services. She is a woman of incredible faith who has overcome many obstacles in her own life and marriage. Her story, her transparency, and her motivation, inspire many to pursue their dreams in spite of their circumstances. Raychel encourages women, men, and couples to live their lives more physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and spiritually healthy. She resides in North Dakota with her amazing husband, Brandon, and their two children, Claire & Eli.