Easy, Alpha Dog

When most guys become aware of the realities of human courtship - on the street we call it "game" - we become highly attuned to the reality that women test men.

"Women test men." I can still remember how it felt to hear those words the first time somebody explained the concept of testing to me. I had one of the biggest "a-ha" moments of my life. Testing explains so much behavior that I had seen from women that did not make sense to me at first. Today, I get it. Women test men. Knowing this and understanding it has helped me to improve my relationships with women.

Yet many guys become obsessed with a woman's tests. They begin to think that the key to passing a woman's tests is to ALWAYS play the role of supreme alpha-male. Their mantra is: never give a straight answer to a question. Never comply with a request of hers. Never give in, etc. Eventually, a good woman will grow bored with the one-dimensional alpha-male routine.

Recently I spoke with a reader who told me the story of how his girlfriend recently broke up with him. He said that she began to lose patience with him, and he suspected it was because he never responded to a request, never answered a question directly, never had a heart-to-heart talk with her. All the time that he was seeing her, he was worried that he would fail one of her tests and slip down from his carefully cultivated alpha-male status. So he over-compensated by being absolutely unreachable to her. She finally labeled him "aloof" as she broke off the relationship.

Alpha-male status is not the prime attractor of women. Mysteriousness is. So, as soon as she can label you as definitively being an "alpha-male type," her attraction lessens. In our MensPsychology.com courses, we cover all of the aspects of sexual attraction between a man and a woman in the miWomen program.

Indeed, women do test men, and passing a woman's tests is the key to attraction. And of course, women love alpha-males. But a woman will tire of a man who constantly, automatically, obsessively, acts the role of the supreme alpha-male. That's because women find it exciting to finally see the alpha-male's human side and to see that he is capable of being a friend. Try to see it from a woman's point of view: What's the point of getting into a relationship with an alpha-male if he's never going share his emotions? By being the 24-hours-a-day-7-days-a-week alpha male, you are depriving a woman of one of the great joys of dating an alpha-male, which is the opportunity to experience his softer side revealed just for her.

Most men who are obsessed about being the alpha-male already have the alpha thing covered. They are already alpha-males, and they kill their chances to have deeper relationships with women by obsessively playing the role of supreme alpha-male even when she's already crazy for him. Time to vary the routine a little bit. The message I want to send to my fellow alpha-males is, relax. You won't become a girly-man in her eyes by being a real friend to her. It will only deepen your relationship in the best possible way. Like everything else in life, there's a right time and place for being the alpha-male.