Dear Dr. Romance:

I hope you can help me. My boyfriend passed away two years back... We were pretty much engaged, living together and everything. I thought i was over the whole thing, but now I know I'm not.

A month back, or so.. i was seeing a man, and today i found out he had passed away. He reminded me so much of my late, they shared the same name, just second name being different. In the grieving process, I'm feeling the loss of both. And my late especially.

I am very afraid of commitment, and in the chance of loosing someone like this again.. and it has just happened second time round.  What do I do, how can I help myself??

Dear Reader:

I'm so sorry for your losses. What you're feeling is normal; grief tends to pile up. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve. Think of it as having x number of tears to cry. When you have cried them all, you'll be done grieving, and you'll be able to remember the good times you had, and be grateful that person was in your life, even briefly. You'll start to feel stronger, and ready to risk loving again. It will take some time, probably about a year.  "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again"  and "A Good Cry" will help you understand the grief process. "Grief: What it is, Why we have it, and How to get through it" Is my course on grief, available from

It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction has information and exercises that will help you manage all your feelings and heal more quickly.

IEWY new cover Grief

For low-cost phone counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.