Dear Dr. Romance:

I just found your article "Without Ego"  Omg you are just who I've been looking for.  For the past two years I've been reading articles about dissolving the ego and all this hubbub. For those two years I was told that I have an ego that is all about self, cannot exist with love, is self draining, and only thinks about itself, and it was inside me!!!

All of this information plus the label of the 'false self' slapped upon it left me feeling like a loveless phony for those 2 years. I kept getting hunches that "I didn't have an ego" or, "something just isn't right" but I kept trying to dissolve my ego by "passively watching my thoughts".

This also didn't help as it harmed my thinking and inner peace. All these things that were apparently designed to give inner peace, were only serving destruction to me from the inside out. I found your article and now I'm very happy collaborating my self back together. I feel whole now instead of split and incomplete, sort of how I did before I got into the whole "ego dissolving" mess...I only have one question though. How do I get out of this mess??? I really do still feel split. And guilt ridden for having an ego as well..

Dear Reader:

I'm glad my article was helpful to you. What you are asking about is called "integration of the self" -- getting all the split parts of you to work together as a team. There are several articles on my website that can help you do this, including "Peace Begins at Home", "Resolving Inner Anarchy"#0160;"Tapping Your 'Inner Mentor' to Create New Meaning in Your Life".  "Winning The War Within" "Your Primary Relationship"  and "Emotional Hygiene". They will help you become aware of the inner dialog that makes you feel split, and show you how to integrate your mental landscape. It Ends With You  will explain exactly how you get disconnected originally and what to do to reconnect.  If you need help with it, find me at 

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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.