Dear Dr. Romance:

I fell for a man that I work with. He was married, and I was in a lesbian relationship. When I first saw this man, who I will refer to as John, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever met in my life. I had dated men off and on, but my two long-term relationships were both with women.

When I began having feelings for him beyond a professional relationship, I moved out and was honest with my partner about having feelings for someone else. John also moved out of his house shortly thereafter. He got a hotel for two weeks and pretty much stayed with him. We began a whirlwind romance. He then got an apartment and I moved my things into his place and pretty much moved in. I know; not the most sensible thing to do.

Fast forward: He said he and his wife needed to mend their relationship. He continued to tell me he wanted to see me exclusively and that we were going to "move forward in our relationship."

In the last two weeks, I have hardly see him.  He is always busy working on house projects and has been preoccupied applying for a new job.

The situation has been stressful from the get-go...wondering if he is going to get a divorce, living together for a year and then getting seperate places, not meeting his daughter, and so forth.  I'm lonely and probably very naive

Logically, I feel like I should run and think there is no possible way he could be ready to dive into another relationship.  On the other hand, I am not ready to throw in the towel yet. I don't want to keep waiting.  I am giving this relationship 6 more months. The other problem: he does not communicate. I feel like I am left in the dark and now that we both have time off (we both work at schools), he has time for everything and everyone else.


Dear Reader:

You are wise enough to know you're probably being very naive. Please stop waiting for this guy. He's not a good man. He cheated on his wife, and you don't trust him. Men like him often never get divorced. He was using you to feel better about himself. Now, he's beginning to see what he's losing if he deserts his family. You're much better off focusing on getting a life of your own, which hopefully has nothing to do with dating married men.  "Guidelines for Successful Dating"  will help  you get busy making new friends and meeting new people. "Aspects of Love" will help you understand what reliable love is.  The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40 will help you understand what you really want and make better choices in the future.


   Before 40

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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.