Today one of my clients asked how she could cut her cord:
Here is my answer to her question:

I dreamed last year that I needed to cut my cord in order to be happy here with my children and my husband. (As you know, all of my family is in Germany and I am the only one here in the States)

I had no idea what it would look like. I kept holding onto an intention: a curiosity to find out what cutting my cord in a healthy way would look like.

Previously I had thought I had already cut my cord, but the truth was I was just running away and pretending I didn’t need my family and my roots. This did not make me happy and I did end up in a far away country.

I knew after cutting my cord in a healthy way I would feel different. I would feel at peace and connected. I would feel at peace with me being so far away from the rest of my tribe. I would feel like I could finally settle and build my life here while feeling deeply connected to „there“ (My parents, my siblings, my roots).

My task throughout this year was to practice keeping my heart open, even around my parents. (I did spend 5 months in Germany to be able to do that)

This was difficult at first. Because of all the stories from the past.

One of the key elements was to allow myself to feel the way I was feeling even if it was irrational.

If I was feeling afraid I would just be with that feeling. Even though part of me thought it was ridiculous to be afraid of my mother now that I am a grown up.

Now that I am making decisions for myself and not her.

I started parenting my inner child by giving it the attention it needed.

Usually when you are feeling disconnected and mentally confused, those are the times to take a "break" from the world and just be with yourself and do some inner work.

I also did several family constellations around this issue.

The practice of keeping my heart open at all times and tending to my feelings no matter what, was what enabled me to let go of my ties (cutting my cord).

I feel free to choose to be here or there or both now. I feel free to have my own life, in honor of my roots. I do feel connected and supported.

I feel at peace.

I invite you to pose the question of how you can cut your cord as an intention for 2012. See what comes to you. Remember that this whole journey into love is an ongoing process so be gentle with yourself.

Author's Bio: 

I am 33 years old, and I have spent more than half my life both learning and teaching about love.

In Germany, where I am originally from, I am both a Naturopathic doctor and Humanistic Psychotherapist. I have been involved in the field of Personal Development for more than 18 years.

I conduct workshops in the United States and Germany, as well as work with clients on a one-to-one basis. I am publishing a book on the subject of healing early sexual trauma, which will be released early next year.
But that’s not what makes me an expert on love, intimacy and relationships. That comes out of my own childhood experiences.

Beginning at the age of eleven, I suffered from immense “soul pain” for over 12 years.

Today, I now know that most of this pain was caused by early sexual abuse, which I had no memory of until relatively recently. The result of the trauma resulting from early sexual abuse was that I suffered from serious eating disorders, addictive behavior, co-dependent relationships and depression.

I basically felt “broken” for most of my life, and I desperately and continually needed to do something in order to not feel the pain.

At the age of twenty-one, I finally had what I now call my “Toilet-Wake-Up-Moment”. It was an epiphany, a moment when time stood still, and it became crystal clear to me that, if I continued to do what I had been doing, my life would be over very, very soon.

There would be no merging with “the one”, no family, no children, no happiness. There would only be a body found on the bathroom floor. My body. One that had suffered a painful and tragic death.

Fortunately, that didn’t happen, Instead, that moment, that epiphany, was the beginning of a journey within. I was incredibly fortunate to have been guided towards some of the most profound teachers in the field of personal healing, and was extremely lucky to have had the opportunity to study with and learn from them.

There was, however, an even greater contribution to my own healing then all the “official” teachers. That turned out to be the numerous men that appeared in my life. Numerous, because I was always in search of the perfect relationship, the perfect man, “the one”.

Each of the relationships was wonderful for a time, than became a lot less so. However, I am now grateful for each one, as it brought me a little closer to the truth about love, intimacy and my very own heart.

Today, I am fully recovered from my early sexual trauma. I am now happily married to “the one” that’s just right for me (instead of the fairy-tale “perfect one”).

We live in beautiful Santa Barbara, California with our two wonderful children, and I now travel around the world, teaching women with a similar history to mine about how they can heal and create a trust-filled, deeply connected relationship with their man.