Creating Red Hot Relationship Spontaneity in the Midst of a Planned-Out Life

When you think of passion and intimacy, an image of love-making whenever and wherever the mood strikes you and your partner might come to mind. Perhaps you and your love experience this often. Or maybe you used to have spontaneous red hot moments before you settled into a life together complete with kids, jobs, and home chores. It could also be that you’ve never experienced this but really want to.

We’re not just talking about love-making here. There’s a certain excitement and spark when connection with your love is allowed to unfold in a natural and free way. So many of us have planners or e-mail reminders that keep us on the schedule we’ve set up for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that. You probably have a busy life and want to stay on top of your responsibilities and goals. Somewhere along the line, though, a certain passion can get lost. You schedule in dates with your mate which are nice but, couldn’t they be more? You and your love may be happy together, but are your lives so planned-out that it is difficult to be as passionately connected as you’d like to be?

Cheryl and Richard have been looking forward to this time of their lives. Their children are nearing teen years—8, 10, and 12—and Cheryl and Richard feel like they might finally get a chance to re-kindle the romance and passion that has dulled over years of diapers, nightmares, and marathon story times. During the early childhoods of their three children, Cheryl would often think longingly toward the future when bedtime wouldn’t be as draining and she and Richard would have more energy for intimate connection afterwards. They are both surprised to find that while their kids are more independent now, there is not necessarily more time and energy for the passion they both want! For example, their children stay up later and are more aware of what’s going on in the house. Richard thinks to himself that passionate private time with Cheryl was almost easier to find when the kids were in diapers!

If you find yourself dreaming of more spontaneous red hot moments in your relationship, try these hints…..

1.) Plan for Spontaneity
This may sound contradictory, but give it a try. If your life doesn’t seem to allow for sweeping your love off his or her feet at a moment’s notice, create the time. Many busy couples set up a regular date night. This is a great way to stay connected and ensure that your relationship stays a priority. However, for various reasons the date night can become routine and not the spark-inducing experience you both might have been looking for. If it’s always a movie and love-making in the usual way, you might feel a little bored.

Instead, plan a regular date night but don’t plan what you will do. All kinds of spontaneous passion might occur during this time. You and your partner might trade off taking the lead with this time together. Step out of your box and see how delightfully surprised you can make your love! Some of the time you might try leaving the time completely open and come together with the only expectation being that you will connect more intimately than you have before.

2.) Make the Most of Your “Free Time”
You might remember being in school, getting all of your work done, and then being given “free time” by your teacher. This probably felt really great! In school there were certain limitations on what you could do with this free time. At home, however, there are probably less rules. Maybe the kids are busy watching a movie, the checkbook has been balanced, the cat’s litter box cleaned out and you and your partner find yourselves with nothing pressing to do. Take advantage of that moment!

It can be just as exciting to surprise your mate with an unexpected loving embrace or a tender backrub as it is to run off to the bedroom for afternoon lovemaking—though that can be wonderful as well! Turn yourself over to these free moments and bask in the love that you share. Allow your partner to fully feel your love and then receive the love he or she gives to you.

If we spend our busy lives waiting around for the perfect time for passion, it may never arrive. There are always chores to do and things needing our attention. The question comes down to how you want to live your life. If you crave the spark of a red hot relationship, then open up to it and let it unfold!