Some of us are admitted control freaks, others of us claim that control is just not our thing. But the truth is that we all have ways in which we use control for various reasons.

Usually the need to control a person or situation comes from a need or a sense of lack within ourselves. We need to feel a certain way and we think that controlling the situation or person will give us what we want to make us happy, to make us feel loved, to make us feel good enough.

But the true feelings of love, of peace and of self-worth come from within us and no one can take that away from us unless we allow them to.

The minute that we try to control something or someone for what we feel we need, we are actually giving up control. We are giving the other person the power to make us feel a certain way.

We find ourselves saying, "If only he or she would be nicer to me I'd be happy." "If only I had a bigger house, I'd be happy." "You must do it my way!" or on the other side of things, "If I'm really, really nice to this person and do everything they want then they'll love me." And yes, when that person is nicer to us or we are nicer to that person we do feel happy...for a while. But it doesn't last. Eventually, the same feelings of inadequacy or lack of love or lack of peace come back up again. And then we are on the search again for something else to make us feel the love or self-worth.

And the more we try to control it, the more chaotic it can get. And it becomes a vicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again. And it's exhausting and it's never ending because we are always looking for confirmation, proof that we are good enough.

We also control our own thoughts and emotions. A feeling of anger comes up and we judge it, telling ourselves that we shouldn't feel that way. And what do we do with it? We shove it away, suppressing it, letting it churn around inside us until one day it explodes out of us unexpectedly. This is also control - we are controlling our emotions. Again, the more we try to control it the more out of control it becomes.

What if we were to let go of that control? What if we were to allow those feelings of fear, anger, resentment and hurt all to come up in us, to feel them fully and then release them, forgiving ourselves for whatever it is we feel we have done wrong.

It is then that we can clear the barriers and connect to the love that is in us, to feel the self-worth and to reach that place of peace that we have always desired.

Take a look at your experiences through the week and be aware of how you may be trying to control - other people, situations, even your emotions. And when you become aware of it, look within yourself and ask, "What is driving me to control this situation? What do I feel I will gain from doing this? Is it the truth? What would happen if I let go of control and accept what is?"

Author's Bio: 

Bettina Goodwin is a Certified Life Coach, Reiki Practitioner, speaker and facilitator who has experience working with children, teens and adults in a wide variety of personal, family and relationship issues. Her background and training of four years of personal growth work, training and certification followed by case studies give her the tools necessary to delve into the core issues that are causing concern for her clients.