Communication Problems In Marriage: Lack Of Communication In Marriage

Good communication is the key to a successful marriage or relationship. This seems an obvious statement but most couples struggle with this at some point. One of the biggest threats to a relationship is the lack of communication because it can affect almost every aspect of your marriage. Some people don't talk or some people talk all of the time but don't really say anything. Communication is more than talking. Respectful and constructive communication should be the primary goal. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Make an appointment. It sounds silly but one way to insure that you both are heard is to set aside a time each day. Make a point to talk over dinner. Talk about your day and really listen! Talk about upcoming events or schedules. Or, if you are not together for dinner, take a few moments before bed. It is important to have time each day to connect and make sure to have some meaningful conversation.

2. Treat each other with courtesy and respect. Everyone deserves basic courtesy and respect. Your marriage or relationship must have an underlying foundation of love, admiration and respect. Successful couples know how important it is to maintain respect for one another. Love and respect should prevent you from saying things that they don't really mean, hurting the other person out of spite, or doing things you might regret later. Words do hurt and nothing hurts more than harsh words from someone you love.

3. Listen. I admit it - sometimes I am not paying attention to my husband and what he says goes in one ear and out the other. Of course, he does the same thing to me. This only creates misunderstandings and arguments later on when he insists that he told me something when I don't think he did and vice versa. Or, one of us misses an event or appointment because we really weren't listening. This is a two way street. If your spouse is talking to you, you need to stop and listen to what they are saying. However, if you are talking to your spouse, you also need to make sure that they heard you. Don't initiate a conversation if the other person is the middle of something. It isn't fair to expect them to drop everything and pay attention to you (see #1 above) and you can't assume that they digested the information that you gave them.

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4. You don't always have to be right. Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. But, that is not the point. Communication shouldn't be a battle where someone has to "win" but if you approach it from that standpoint, it will be every time. Everyone wants to feel validated and to know that their opinion counts. Life isn't always black and white and compromise is an important part of a marriage. Sometimes you have to just agree to disagree and move on. The process is the important part so that both partners know that they can express their opinions and their feelings will be taken into consideration.

5. Negotiate and compromise. Not every discussion involves a decision to be made. However, when it does, you need to have the right mindset. You should accept that conflicts are going to happen but you should approach the situation in a calm and rational manner. You need to focus on creating a positive outcome. In order to do that, you need to discuss all possible resolutions and be willing to compromise. One solution does not fit all and you can creatively work through the problem in a way in which both partners can be happy about.

6. Learn how to fight. This is a basic of skill that many people never master. Every couple has fights and disagreements. However, there is a correct way to fight. Focus your argument - talk only about the dispute at hand and don't bring up the past. If you fail to stay focused, every argument will turn into an argument about all of your past arguments! This is counter-productive and, frankly, exhausting. Hear the other party out without interrupting (see #2 above). Consider the other person's feelings and opinions. You may not resolve the dispute but at least both of you can feel satisfied with the process.

There can be no greater skill in a marriage than communication. The importance of this cannot be stressed enough and the root of most problems in a marriage can be traced to this basic concept. To avoid bigger issues and communication problems in your marriage or relationship, follow the tips above to the path of good communication and a great marriage.

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The very first step that you should do is talk it over with your spouse. Most couples may have grown up with different family values. There are even some that have contrasting values. Hence, it would be a real problem if you both disagree on a certain value. This is why you should talk with each other and settle the matter in a grown-up manner.

You can start out by each giving some values that each of you individually think is important. You can write it down and make lists if you please. After which, you could compare your lists and combine them into one. Each of you should be able to state out why you think it is important to have that certain value that you included on your individual list.

Try to agree on the certain values that you think are positive and can help your personal growth and most of all for the growth of your children.

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When you've got the set of values both of you agree to develop in the family, then you should start setting out rules that can attain these values. For instance, you want to develop the value of cleanliness; then you can make rules such as no eating inside bedrooms and the like. Setting these rules would subtly develop such values and can pay off in the future.

However, you should take note that merely setting rules is not enough. Both of you should always practice what you preach. Hence, if you want your children to be clean and orderly, then you and your spouse should both be good examples. You should never show your kids that you're throwing candy wrappers on the floor or sticking gum under your tables. They would most likely pickup these kinds of habits, even if they're still young.

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One of the problems you will face in saving marriage is being misled by some popular myths. There are several myths on saving the marriage that have become so widespread that many people have begun to accept these myths as scientific truths! Doing things based on these myths will only result in making things more complicated and making it more difficult to save your marriage ultimately. I will deal with three of the popular myths on marriage.

1) Time will heal all problems:
This is perhaps the most damaging myth and that is the reason I have listed it on the top. This is a philosophical statement devoid of any reason or logic. We know from practical experience time heals some wounds but aggravates some other wounds if they remain unattended. Ignoring problems when they crop up with a smug belief that they will get dissolved on their own in course of time may lead to the problems getting so intensified that they defy a solution. Many times attending to a problem in time is important since allowing them to remain open amounts to allowing it to grow in dimensions.

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2) You can't save your marriage unless your spouse co-operates with you:
This myth ignores the fact that problems in a marriage arise primarily because there is disagreement between the spouses. To say that you can solve a problem only with the co-operation of your spouse amounts to saying that you can't solve a problem if there is a problem. Very often, the initiative has to come from one partner who is more concerned about saving the marriage even if the other partner is unenthusiastic about it. The partner who takes interest in resolving the relationship problem can bring their spouse around and in the process not only saves the marriage but also serves the interest of the other partner!

3) You can't save a marriage unless you improve your communication skills:
Communication plays a great part in any relationship. It is true that many relationship problems are a result of poor communication between the partners. But when a marriage has to be saved, you need to act quickly. You can't say that you will first learn communication skills by enrolling in a communication workshop before taking any steps to save your marriage. What is needed is not communication skills but a willingness to discuss the issues openly. People who open out their hearts can achieve great success in saving their marriage even if they lack communication skills.

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Sometimes we are so preoccupied with our own thought that we don´t realize that the holy union is slowly coming apart. There can many different reasons why this is happening. What is important is that you watch for warning signs, if they are not dealt with they can eventually lead to a divorce. Marriage troubles are not always easy to deal with, but if they are resolved it can rebuild your marriage and make it stronger than it ever was before.

If you are constantly fighting with your partner over small and insignificant things, it's a sure sign that your marriage is coming to an end. And if you or your partner is feeling helpless to fix your deteriorating marriage, it can cause negative verbal and emotional outbursts.

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This nagging and bickering may be about a more rooted issue and may not have anything to do with what you are actually fighting about. This marriage stress is not healthy in the long run.You need to sit down and talk about what's really bothering you. Be honest with each other and try to talk about this matter in calm way. This is a great way to reconnect and stop your divorce from ever coming true.

Sharing personal details is also very important, it's normal for happy couples to share what is happening in their daily life, whether it is sad or pleasant experiences. If you are withholding information from each other it´s another warning sign that something is not right.

If you love someone, you want to share everything with them, the good and the bad. If you don't want to share this with each other you both need to ask yourself why. Marriage problems don´t have to be complicated and can be resolved if you know the right techniques. Some simple but caring words can have a positive effect; It can maybe stop your divorce from happening.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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