Caregiving from Inner Beauty and Sexuality

Have you always been a caregiver in your family? Many women live this role of caregiver from a very young age. That was certainly my story, and I have no blame or upset with my parents for how this played out in my life, however I am aware of the impact of my falling into this role since I was 3 years old. Now, as I make my choices of how to BE the empowered woman I am, an acute awareness of these old roles is critical to my success. If this resonates with you, then you will want to read on.

Recent brain research from Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain,” shows that the female brain’s hormones ready a woman to focus on herself when she enters into menopause. This is a time when she has less interest in caregiving and more interest in new challenges and her own health and well-being. However, so many women fall into caregiving automatically since it is what they have always known to do...that familiar groove. I, for one, easily slip out of my life focus when a family member or close friend has a health issue or another type of emotional need. And now, at 56, I am feeling like I am done setting my life aside for others. Wow...it does feels strange to write it. Uncomfortable as it may feel, I am ready to align with the nature of my brain. If not now, when?

Women are capable of becoming more beautiful, sensual, and lusciously juicy beings as they get older. When an older woman exudes self-love, you can see her inside out beauty throughout her face and entire body. More than 2,000 fitness experts named 66-year old actress Helen Mirren “Body of the Year.” Helen has tapped into a sustainable inner beauty and sexuality that comes from the wisdom of age, and alignment with the true nature of a woman...beautiful, sensual and orgasmic. It is this powerful feminine energy that gets lost when women continuously fall into caregiving.

“The loss of soul connection, loss of connection to our femininity, may be the real cause of our anguished condition” - Marion Woodman

The difference in the way men and women provide caregiving help, as reported by the National Center for Caregiving, is quite fascinating. Women take time off work and stay home to provide time-consuming care to disabled friends and family while men respond to loved one’s needs for support by delaying retirement, in part to shoulder the financial burden associated with long-term care. Higher levels of depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges are common in women who fall into these caregiving roles. The Center’s studies show that women who provide more than 36 hours of care per week dramatically increase the likelihood of these health challenges.

The cost of this phenomenon to our world is a big one as women deplete themselves, and lose connection with their inner beauty and sexuality. We have stretched, depressed, and impatient women instead of upbeat, lively and beaming beauties. Mother Earth has been stretched, depressed and impatient waiting for women, like me, to turn this trend around.

What do women need to do to stay tuned into their inner beauty and sexuality, keep their hearts open to care and love, and not fall into the caregiver trap time and time again? Here are a few ideas:

*Before you jump to the needs of another - PAUSE and ask “what is a way to handle this without turning my life upside down?” Be responsible for yourself, and take the lead on this discussion with your loved ones...don’t leave it for others to advise you on what will work. You are the only one who knows. How can you make this a healthy experience?

*Rest. It may not come easy when there are so many things to get done like dishes and laundry and kids and, and, and. Letting go and working with “good enough” will allow you to stop and lay your body down (AND THAT IS WHAT I MEAN BY RESTING). There is no substitute for a relaxed and prone body. At least for 60 minutes on the days you are extending yourself to others, and 30 minutes no matter what your day looks like. Put it on the “to do” list.

*Practice the art of self-love by looking in your eyes every morning in the mirror and saying “I love you, I really really do.” If it feels silly...fake it until you actually begin to feel it.

*Spend 10 minutes a day in meditation - outside in the fresh air, if at all possible.

These are things you can do right now. Don’t wait until tomorrow, or next week or next month when your family or friend is feeling better. If you deplete yourself, then you can’t BE there for you or anybody else.

"It is hard to let your personality flourish when you are pointlessly paralyzed by insecurities about your physique. Both boys and girls can be horrible cruel and childishly thoughtless. Character and personality are much more important and ultimately win out. For time passes and youthful beauty with it." Hellen Mirren