Dear Lisa,

I just got jacked around pretty good by a gal. I’m too nice, as people say, I just don’t want to play games. I haven’t done anything yet that can be construed as being a jerk about it. (Just an email venting a little, but nothing mean.)

I have never been able to play the game when I’ve given my heart to someone, and then found out that they are the fickle, turn-on-a-dime type. It always catches me by surprise and leaves me weakened and shell-shocked. I never win the game at that point.

Whether there is anything to salvage at this point (only my ego, maybe) remains to be seen. But my cold anger is all that’s left. And when you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t care anyway, what’s left to do?

I’m back in the gym and swimming to buff up, and now there’s a flock of gals after me. So, if I wait and have no interaction with her, what do you think? Got any advice?

I’m not sure that I even want this gal back anyway … just my ego.

Swim Guy Drowning

Dear Swim Guy,

Where the hell is David Hasselhoff when you need him? Unfortunately, there’s no Ego Lifeguard to pull you out from under the murky, piranha-infested breakup waters. You’re out there alone, pal. The best I can do is throw you a line.

It sounds like you’ve already taken rescue step one by heading back to the gym. Buffing up your bod will build up your ego at the same time, and exercise releases all those happy endorphins that make you feel good, despite your love life. A few swooning gym babes won’t hurt the cause either.
The next step you need to take is to create the life you’ll be happy with, whether your ex is in it or not. You say you’re not sure you even want her back. I hate to be heartless (although occasionally it is necessary, and you guys know I’m up to the task…) but you’ll be a lot better off if you decide that you don’t. Once you abandon the hope that you’ll get her back, you can open your life up for better options. Move on. Whether that means turning yourself into the next Mr. Universe, writing rap, or dating every chick you meet, the quicker you get started the better.

There are a few things you can do to help you get through the rough spots. First, keep swimming. Second, get out with your buddies every weekend. Play some hoops, watch a game, just make sure you’ve got a little male bonding on the schedule, especially on the weekend nights, or at times when you’re most likely to miss the fickle chick. Last, give yourself a little treat once a week for the next month. You’ve been through some rough stuff, you deserve it. Buy a new CD. Get a massage. Replace the batteries in your remote for extra speedy channel surfing.

It sounds like you’re a fabulous guy who maybe needs to work a little on his approach. So, the next time you start a new relationship, take it slowly before you hand over your heart on a silver platter. (In other words, don’t dive in head first. Dip your toe in to see how cold the water is.) I know lots of women who would love a guy who’s “too nice and doesn’t want to play the game.” In fact, I get a couple dozen letters from them every single day. It’s also important to remember that your ex is not representative of her entire sex. I know you’re angry now, but don’t treat your next girl like crap just to even the score.

As for Miz-Fickle-Turn-On-A-Dime, she may come crawling back once she sees how easily you’ve moved on. For some reason we women are always attracted to guys who manage to live without us. But by then, hopefully, you’ll be too busy to care. And then she’ll be writing me a letter telling me about the only nice guy she ever dated – and how she let him get away.


To read more from Lisa on topics like this & others on love, cheating, relationships or dating advice visit: TV Dating Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and Fifteen Minutes of Shame (a novel) and is seen everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.
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Author's Bio: 

Dating expert Lisa Daily blogs her dating tips and advice at She is the Dating Coach on Daytime , a nationally-syndicated morning TV show and a syndicated columnist. She’s also the bestselling author of Stop Getting Dumped! and How to Date Like a Grown-Up: Everything You Need to Know to Get Out There, Get Lucky or Even Get Married in Your 40’s 50s and Beyond. Lisa was featured as a real-life “date doctor” in the HITCH movie DVD starring Will Smith.