Are you Spuerwoman?! Creating A Work Life Balance As A Mother

The responsibility of becoming a parent creates a massive shift in your life and what is important to you often also changes. Women who wish to have children and obtain a successful career, have often struggled with the concept that both can exist and thrive simultaneously without feelings of guilt that they should be with their children when at work, or they should be at work when with their children.
Society perceptions have changed and the ‘role’ that women take on grows, so it’s no wonder that many mother’s today feel guilty, anxious, stressed and a lack of balance in their life! Emotions can run high or feelings become suppressed, relationships and work can suffer and your ability to positively respond to your environment and life’s highs and lows can be affected.
GUILT IS LEARNED
The first thing to know is that feeling ‘guilty’ for the choices you make is not a natural response, it is learned. You are not born with it. In the presence of guilt, depending on the ‘set of rules’ that you were bought up with, you may believe the illusion that you have caused a loss to someone in your past through the decisions you made and what outcome those choices brought. One adds ‘fear’ to the mix when a belief exists that there is something to lose in your future through the choices you may make, so together, guilt and fear can really be a major part of life.
The important note here is that if these concepts have been learned, we can unlearn them, so those who do successfully create a work/life balance, do not have these beliefs and realise that they are not serving anyone by holding onto them. It is a choice. Personal development and increasing your Emotional Intelligence (how you perceive, understand, manage and use emotions) can assist you to learn more about YOU and what beliefs you have. Are they limiting or expanding you and your experience? If there is a need for a change in your life, the place to start is within YOU.
Be a fly on the wall in your own life and check out how you respond and perceive things. Everyone has a different perception so detach from judging others, be mindful, step into who you really are and respect everyone’s journey.
UNDERSTAND YOUR DAY-TO-DAY CHOICES
Everything we do and how we feel about situations is a choice. We are personally responsible for our lives ONLY, period! From the time you woke up today to the time you decided to read this article, how many choices have you made in between? Did you choose to get out of bed, have breakfast, brush your teeth? You could have stayed in bed, talked to no one and most likely got hungry and have a ‘not so pleasant’ breath for the rest of the day! We are the one’s to decide what we do and how we go about life. Even how we are going to respond to what others say and do. It’s the decisions that you make, that will determine your behaviour within the community, including within the family and work environment. And this is vital to realise as our children are learning from us!
CHOOSE BALANCE & HONOUR YOUR AND YOUR FAMILIES VALUES
To create a balance between work and family/life, the first step is to choose to want it. Get to know where your mind and heart is at and create a life that is in alignment with your true desires. When you know what is important to you (your values) you can make sure that you live by them and know when you are off course. Both parents have individual values within the different areas of life (relationships, career, health etc) and as a couple, values will exist also.
If you and your partner are living your true values, individually and together, both parties will be happy and have the space to reach goals and thrive at work and within the family unit. It is imperative to appreciate each other and the contribution to the family that each makes.
PRIORITISE, CREATE GOALS AND BE FLEXIBLE
When you know what is important to you and your partner, then you can determine what goals (short and long term) you both have. Understanding your true desires for work and life, prioritising tasks at home and at work and structuring how you can help each other out, will become easy and clear. When you become clearer within the family and get to know yourself more, you will find that this organisation will overflow to other areas of your life.
Being flexible with how life flows is important also. Create your goals while keeping in mind that ‘how’ they occur is flexible. Taking on behavioural flexibility in this way, eliminates any unrealistic expectations that you may have and change appears easier.
UPTIME, DOWNTIME, MY TIME, YOUR TIME AND OUR TIME
Many times a mother has said she feels a sense of ‘losing themself’ when the responsibility of parenthood becomes a part of her life. So much time and energy goes into raising children and making a happy home and many women don’t make time to self care.
To help your children grow into well-rounded self loving adults, you must show them how to balance through self care. There is a time to be in ‘uptime’ when you are very active and there is a time to enter ‘downtime’ in which you recharge, relax and rejuvenate. Eat well, nourish your relationships and self, get the body moving so everything flows freely, hydrate every day, listen to your body, meditation is ideal (for gaining insight into your true self and desires), develop your mindset and mix your day up so you stay interested in life and don’t find yourself lost in a mindset that limits you from reaching your full potential. Building relationships with like minded people and spending time with those whom have a positive influence in your life will help to juggle life also, as we can learn a great deal from each other.
In order to do this with a family, it is vital that you and your partner ‘share the load’ and respect each others values and space. A Mummy Day and a Daddy Day is ideal in which you each take a full day once a month to do whatever your heart desires, while the other spends time with the children. Finding out what gives you JOY assists with topping up your energy also. It may be a simple as putting your bare feet on the cool grass for 1 minute. If you do one thing that brings you JOY every day, your sense of self, balance and energy lifts.
Making time for a ‘date night’ for you and your partner is essential to give and receive. This can be whenever and however your schedule allows, but consistency is the key. You both will feel fulfilled and appreciated within the relationship and it’s a great way to keep the spark alive with such busy lives as working parents.
ASK FOR HELP AND APPRECIATE WHATEVER THAT IS!
Mother’s often need to be organised and are incredible at multitasking! The illusion some take on though is that they think they should be able to do it all, all of the time and do it well. But there comes a time where we need to realise that if we delegate certain tasks to others and automate much of our business activities, such as bill payments, social media updates, newsletters, order transactions, bathing the children, making dinner etc, we find that the time we then have increases, helping to live a life with more balance, value and joy.
The problem is when we try to do and be an expert at it all. Take assistance when offered and ask for help when needed in both work and family life. Learn to say the occasional ‘NO’ if you find you’re filling most of your time with energy sapping and non-priority tasks for others.
Tasks delegated can be alternated particularly when it comes to home life. So you may know what days are your busiest at work and your partner may be able to ‘take the reins’ at home so to speak, for those particular days. If they help but it is deemed by you to ‘not the best way to do it’, you can be digging your own hole and chipping away at their insecurities. So, be flexible with this as consistent criticism can be detrimental to a relationship. Everyone has a different way of doing things, but the tasks are at least done!
When we keep the fun and joy in our lives while communicating/negotiating well, focusing on what we want, nurturing ourselves and loved ones, and putting energy into what you value, life flows well and balance is restored. Establish what works for you and your family and keep a clear distinction between family life and work.