A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Passionate Sex

Want passionate sex? The first step is to figure out what you mean when you think about sex that is passionate. You could think that sex is passionate when your partner:

Acts like they want you right now
Is more aggressive than usual
Goes slower than usual
Takes the time to explore
Gets right into it
Is tender
Is rough

As you might guess, passionate sex means different things to different people! Some couples are lucky; they read each other easily and can usually figure out what kind of passionate sex their partner wants.

Other couples are a little less tuned in when it comes to sex. Maybe one partner is a little shy, or bumbles around without much thought. Or partners might have very different ideas when it comes to passion. And it doesn’t much depend on gender: Some men find gentle kisses and touch passionate, while some women don’t care for that approach at all.

It’s perfectly fine to have a frank talk about what kind of sex you find full of passion. Perhaps your idea is to have a meaningful conversation over a glass of wine before making love; perhaps it is for both of you to take showers and come to bed squeaky clean for each other. Could it be that you like to tease each other? Or just be blunt and tell your partner you want to have a go?

Masters and Johnson, the first people to treat sexual problems, famously said, “Sex is more than body parts and friction.” As a sex therapist, I think that passionate sex . . .

Makes your senses feel fully aware and alive
Eases your troubles and brings you a moment of contentment
Makes you feel more connected
Drains away doubts about love
Soothes and replenishes your body
And last but not least, feels fantastic!

Passionate sex isn’t just what you see on TV, in a film, or on the Internet. Passionate sex is whatever it is you enjoy with your partner. If the earth moves when you have sex, great! If the covers barely move when you have sex, great! As long as you’re experiencing all the feelings that sex evokes, it’s all good.