We are all in transition

We are all in transition because change is a constant in our lives.

I love to sit at the beach, close to the water’s edge, and watch and listen to the waves coming up on the shore. Each time a wave recedes there is a rustling sound as the sand granules and small pebbles shift position. The water keeps coming up on the shore, and the sand keeps shifting.

Change in our lives is as constant as the water coming up on the beach; sometimes in gentle splashes and sometimes in huge, all engulfing waves. Like the sand, we experience a form of shifting with change. A change in our lives, small or big, puts us into transition.

I talk with people dealing with life changes in the forms of a new career, marriage, a baby, relocation, self employment. What they all have in common is the experience of an inner reorientation as they try to incorporate the changes into their lives. They are all moving their personal stories forward.

Speaking from my experiences of transition and trying to move my own life story forward, most recently after relocating back to the US from Europe and as I embrace self employment, have been some of the greatest periods of personal growth. I wanted to share my understanding of transition, offer you empowering resources, and encourage you to embrace an optimistic mindset in an opportunity to expand your personal boundaries and become more of who you are.

The word “transition” is often interchanged with the word “change.” There is a difference. Change is situational. Transition is psychological. Transition can be understood as a process, and it applies to all forms of change.

Adapting the explanation from the book "Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes" by William Bridges, transition happens in three phases.

A transition always starts with an "ending." To start to do things in new ways (perhaps more out of necessity than desire), you have to end the way you usually (have built a habit to) do them. There can be a sense of loss here, and it is OK and highly recommended that you acknowledge this.

The next phase of transition is an in-between, "neutral zone," when everything feels as though it is up for grabs and you don't quite know who you are, what you want, or how you're supposed to behave. This is where you no longer have a sense of security in the old and you haven’t yet attained the benefits of the new.

What this neutral phase of transition often feels like is captured in this extract from Lewis Carroll’s "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"

"Who are you? Said the Caterpillar...."
"I hardly know, Sir, just at present," Alice replied rather shyly, "at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then."

The transition concludes with a "new beginning" when something new emerges, some new sense of self.

There is so much you learn when you emerge on this side of transition.

One key learning for me is how in the "neutral zone" you begin to account for things you observe in new ways, create new frames of reference, and grow in your perceptions of your self and the world.

More important, being in transition doesn’t have to feel confusing, overwhelming, or stressful. You can choose your state of mind in transition as in any other situation. To this point, I offer insights on “neutral” from the areas of physiology, science, and spirituality.

In my Pilates classes, one of the first fundamentals I teach new students is to “find neutral.” This is the ideal position to perform exercises because it places the least amount of stress on the spine. It allows for the natural curve in the spine. Since the body can serve as a metaphor, we might want to find neutral, the place of least stress, in our lives.

Doc Childe, the founder of the HeartMath Institute encourages the practice of “neutral” by focusing your attention on your heart and imaging your breath coming in and out through it. As I get coached through my HeartMath Manifest workbook, I am learning how the neutral zone in transition can be less about confusion and more about a readiness to be flexible. Doc Childe will tell you “neutral is the state where you are not jumping ahead too quickly or moving too slowly. It’s about a calm poise that allows for new information and new possibilities to emerge before taking further action.”

To get to a new beginning we proceed in neutral.

Eckert Tolle, author of “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” writes of discovering an inner space. Taken directly from the chapter called “The Discovery of Inner Space,” I quote:
“Once you see and accept the transience of all things and the inevitability of change, you can enjoy the pleasures of the world while they last without fear of loss or anxiety about the future. When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which to view events in your life instead of being trapped inside them… another dimension comes into your life – inner space…. Suddenly there is space around the event. There is also space around the emotional highs and lows. And above all, there is space between your thoughts. And from that space emanates a peace… This is the peace of God.”

Being in transition is a wonderful personal growth experience and opportunity to discover your well-being.

What you learn about your Self, deeply held values and beliefs especially, during a transition helps you understand your motivations in the choices you make in doing, acting, and being in your life.

Having a tendency to judge rather than accept ourselves, we might feel bad becoming aware of a personal need during transition. Remember we are conditioned by our fight or flight instincts to pay attention to our thoughts when we are feeling bad. I offer there are equal or greater insights in trusting our thoughts when we are feeling good.

This week, empower the thoughts you have when you are feeling good. You can allow the thoughts to come and go when you are feeling less good. Then do something to feel good!

Remember the feeling place you are in is always a choice.