Turning Resistance into Competitive Advantagel

Resistance comes in many forms. It can be an unequivocal “no” or a polite “maybe another time.” It might come in the form of crossed arms, a furrowed brow, or a silent stare. Resistance can also be disguised as feigned interest or displayed openly as outright rejection.

Regardless of the form it may take or the action that prompted it, rejection gives us an opportunity to have a conversation that will lead to the creation of a mutually beneficial relationship, if you follow a few simple steps.

You may be in a business situation, trying to persuade clients that your solution is superior. Or you may be at home, trying to convince your family that a new family exercise plan will really benefit everyone. Or you may be helping your friend see that the new partner in her life does not have her best interests at heart. Whatever the conversation, you can apply these concepts to any situation where you are trying to help another person appreciate the value of your contribution and—best case—agree with the points you have made.

1. Convince yourself that your ideas, opinions, and thoughts really take the other person’s interests to heart. It is tough to sell an idea or concept when you are not convinced that your ideas will improve their lives or work in some meaningful way. It can become downright impossible when you are faced with legitimate objections that you cannot argue against. Be clear about how and why your suggestions provide clear benefits and keep them in your mind’s eye at all times.
2. Anticipate potential areas of resistance, and map out a plan for overcoming them. Even if you are convinced that your idea or solution is perfect, anticipate every possible objection, and take the time to create compelling counterpoints. For example, if your family responds that they are happy with a little extra weight, describe how exercise allows them to eat more without weight gain or that strong bones and muscle keep bodies healthier. If your customer claims that the product you are selling costs too much, discuss how the quality will save considerable money over the long haul. Never imagine that the other person will fall in love with your ideas, no questions asked. Far better to err on the side of assuming that several objections will crop up, and come prepared to have great responses at your fingertips.
3. Discover the underlying reasons for resistance. Very often, people give one reason for not saying yes, when in fact there is a different reason behind it. For example, if your friend insists that the latest person in her life is really “the one,” her real concern might be that she is afraid she will not find anyone else that comes close to her ideal. In the case of your family they may be concerned that exercise might take too much time away from other pursuits.
4. Paraphrase the objections, whether implicit or explicit, and test for understanding. Let the other person know that you really understand and care about his concerns before you address them, for example, “You’re concerned that I may be mistaken about the motives of this new man and that I am overreacting to the fact that he forgot your birthday and did not show up for your cousin’s wedding. Is that right?” Before you address these objections, go on to surface other concerns, particularly those left unspoken. After all, objections that are kept quiet are virtually impossible to counter.
5. Respond to the objections, and the underlying reasons, with facts or solutions that can reasonably address the other person’s concerns. If the price is higher than your customer planned to spend, explain how a slightly higher investment today will be repaid many times over. If your family objects to the time it takes to undertake a new exercise program, explain how the program you have in mind can be done right at home, without special equipment, in less than 30 minutes. Address each concern one at a time, pausing to observe the other person’s response. For example you may tell your friend, “I know that you want to believe that this guy is really the one for you. But have you thought about how well he meets some of the needs you have told me are really important to you, like being respectful, considerate, and caring? I know of many great guys who would be interested in getting to know you if you’re open to it.”
6. Know when “no” really means “no.” A promising business or personal relationship can quickly turn sour when the other person feels that he is not being listened to. The other person will respect that you took the time to understand and respond to all concerns and that you put his needs and concerns above your need to convince him that you are right. As a result, you will be better positioned to offer him an alternative solution or to point him in a direction where he might find another way to meet his needs.
7. Stay connected. In the case of a friend or client, send a note, pick up the phone, or stop by to stay connected and build on your relationship. Find out how they are doing, and ask if you can help in any way. Not only will you cement your relationship in the case of the client, but you will position yourself to win referrals from neighbors, family members, friends, and associates of clients who are impressed with your caring and professionalism. For your family, consider other ways they can improve their health and present new ideas when you feel they may be more receptive.
8. Learn from each experience. Take the time to reflect on each interaction and assimilate what you have learned—especially when you have been unable to persuade the other person to accept your ideas and opinions. Were there concerns you were not able to ferret out and successfully address? Could you have listened more intently to their responses, which may have given you vital clues to determine another approach that might have worked better? Were you unable to offer alternative solutions that may have assuaged concerns? Should you have accepted the other person’s “no” sooner and moved on to another option earlier? Reflect on your lessons learned in writing. Make sure to include tips and techniques that work well so you can leverage them in the future.
9. Do not take rejection personally. Remember that you are selling a product, a concept, or advice of some kind. Although it is true that in a way we are selling ourselves and our ability to hear and address the other person’s needs, people make decisions based on any number of factors. As long as we present ourselves as caring people who respect our friends, clients, and family members and their choices, we have many more chances to win over these people another time. Rejection today gives us a great reason to have the kind of discussion that can lead to a stronger relationship in the future.

When people express some form of resistance, whether tacit or spoken, they are giving us the gift of the opportunity to have a meaningful conversation about their needs, concerns, hopes, and fears. Such a conversation has a way of opening doors that would never have been possible had the person not had a chance to surface hopes and concerns with someone who really cared enough to listen and respond thoughtfully.
So rather than trying to avoid issues that may lead to resistance, embrace those issues openly and proactively to give you both a chance to have an honest dialogue about what the other person needs, even if it means he or she goes elsewhere for a solution—this time.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways3.html