The Rewards Of Negativity

“Positive people live their lives like there are no tomorrows; negative people live life like it will go on forever but wish it wouldn’t.” ~The Author

You really don’t have to have a Ph.D. in clinical psychology to explain why some people are positive and some are negative. Human behavior—positive or negative—is very predictable. Both get rewarded and so they continue until they don’t get rewarded.

If you want to undo something, all you have to do is know what the rewards are and take them away. The trouble is that these rewards may have gone on so long that the habits in thinking, believing and expecting have often become entrenched, invisible and nearly impervious to change.

Just in case you have forgotten all the rewards or positive purposes of negative thinking and behavior here is a brief review of an even dozen such rewards and believe it or not they are quite as sarcastic as they may sound.

1. Negative people are a warning sign for the rest of us as to how not to be; they are serving a valuable positive purpose in this way and such simultaneous polar opposites can be addicting like the pain and pleasure of heroin.

2. Negative behavior lets you off the hook for being more responsible and diligent, which can seem like harder work, even when it is actually easier; illusions are also addicting.

3. Negativity explains away all the adversities, burdens and problems in life in one clean and easy swoop; and such simple cures are valuable prizes one doesn’t quickly volunteer to give up.

4. Negativity is a great place to be when you experience something positive in such stark contrast that you can’t help but notice and enjoy it more than ever (the negativity).

5. Negativity is more comfortable and less disruptive because it doesn’t lure you into having to be more negative because just a little is plenty enough, not at all like being positive and successful and getting trapped into the perpetual chase for more and more.

6. There really are only a few skills that are necessary to continue negativity and they are easy to master (you just have to invest more energy in applying these skills), unlike the overwhelming plethora of optional skills for being positive.

7. There are probably as many negative people as there are positive ones (maybe more?), so ‘misery loves company’ rules and reinforces, quite effectively.

8. Negativity can easily flavor positive things into being viewed and experienced as negative and so, many positive events may be remembered and subsequently reinforced as negative.

9. Negative events are easier to see and feel, usually being more concrete and tangible than ‘lucky’ positive ones and the brain prefers the real to the abstract.

10. Research says that up to 70% of what we see and hear today has a negative spin on it and that is a lot of environmental reinforcement for negativity.

11. There seldom seems enough negativity going on to make someone uncomfortable enough to notice it, even though everyone else does but we all know that criticism just serves to continue something, not change it.

12. Subtle negativity, which may be the most impervious form, seems to be closer to being realistic than looking so far ahead to unfamiliar, unrealistic positive thinking.

Now on top of these powerful rewards, negative thinking and acting is much harder work than being positive and so the negative rewards are much stronger and reinforcing that the ones to being positive. Stronger rewards make stronger habits that are harder to break.

However, let’s not get too negative here. There are at least two effective, positive ways to ‘move mountains:’ (a) climb them, one step at a time, and look down (b) look up at them and move one rock at a time until your view is eye-level. What is required here, to change negative behavior, is to slow down to the speed of thinking (which is pretty fast according to my calculations, so it isn’t as easy as it sounds). Once you can discipline yourself to think about your own thinking, you can begin to catch yourself with your hand in the cookie jar. Then you can start analyzing the rewards you are getting to determine if they are what you want to help you feel the way you want, or whether you really want to feel differently, which requires you to question your negative thinking when it happens.

The trouble is we seem to go through life always wanting what we don’t have or wanting more of what we do have if we like it. Fortunately we eventually see the folly of wanting things for external reasons or ulterior motives and concentrate more on doing something because it feels intrinsically right and good all by itself. That translates to learning to want what you have and appreciate it and it becomes easier to let go of what you have than what you don’t have. But that insight doesn’t come until after you start noticing what negative thoughts you may be having and the connection they have to the results you get in what you are trying to do. This is a big twisted slinky to unravel and it just takes time, discipline and patience and maybe a friend to reinforce your right efforts.