The Flashing Red Flags of Fatally Crashing Relationships

The Flashing Red Flags of Fatally Crashing Relationships
By
Bill Cottringer

You may wonder why anyone in their right mind would miss these blatant red flags before they found themselves stuck in a fatal relationship; but the real problem becomes more of how to get out of such a relationship post haste rather than the analysis of all the whys and hows of getting into one.

Success is any relationship starts with the simple knack of right selection of reasonable compatibilities and then working hard to nurture the love into a mature one that is mutually satisfying and one that can weather the inevitable stresses and challenges that are sure to come. This is really a pretty simple formula for success that oddly takes many couples a long time to fathom.

With potential fatal relationships (ones that lean in this direction), there are three important factors most predictive of failure:

• The degree of real or perceived differences and incompatibilities.

• The incompatibility in approaches to resolving differences and conflicts.

• The capacity, motivation and outright willingness to do what it takes to correct the adverse effects of 1 & 2.

Not that anyone needs it, but here is a simple objective checklist to know the symptoms of a fatal relationship:

_____ 1.Addictions like drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, abuse, co-dependence and the like.

_____ 2. Serious differences in core values such as religion, morality, bad habits, and what is most important and valuable in life.

_____ 3. Significant differences in major attraction compatibilities—physical, intellectual, emotional, social, vocational and spiritual realms.

_____ 4. Growing feelings and expression of contempt, anger and hatred.

_____ 5. Being too far apart in stages of self-development with differences in openness to growing and improving.

_____ 6. Opposite perspectives in core beliefs like thinking vs. feeling, optimism vs. pessimism, destiny vs. free-will and limitations by choice vs. unlimited potential.

_____ 7.Inability to communicate.

_____ 8. Too many stresses all at once—unemployment, financial worries, physical injuries, death of a child, legal problems, etc.

_____ 9.Infidelity; in reality people rarely get past this one.

_____ 10.Meddling family members.

_____ 11. Differences in approaches to resolving incompatibilities and conflicts—aggressive vs. passive, assertive vs. passive.

_____ 12.Too many unspoken or unmet expectations.

If you think you are in one of these types of relationships, then you should probably:

• Realistically assess the seriousness of these problems and the resources you actually have to deal with them.

• Know just how much effort each of you really want to put into making the relationship non-fatal and eventually better.

• Run for cover if your answers are wrong.

Good relationships don’t happen these days, without a good selection process to avoid red flags and a lot of loving effort to grow the love between you and your partner.