The Emotional Map Of Our Bodies

Lately I have had some congestion in the back of my neck. I noticed it most obviously when I had the privilege of taking a master class with Rama Berch, creator of Svaroopa yoga, which is a more passive therapeutic style of yoga. As I lay on my back with my legs draped over piles of yoga blankets, my sinuses became stuffed beyond the beyond. The two relaxation points at the beck of my head/neck began to throb. I hurt! After class I approached this lovely teacher(who by the way, is a beautiful healing presence) to ask her about this neck/sinus event. She smiled gently and told me “This is not new. You have just become more conscious of it.” Now I have been teaching (and preaching) the very same thing to my yoga students for over 10 years. This indeed, was not new information. Except…. On some level I had not yet been ready to really hear it in my body.
I took this piece of information to my yoga mat through asana, to my meditation space through pranayama. I went for cranio-sacral massage and developed a massive cold afterwards. Then I began to be silent, waiting for the feeling behind the sensation. I tried to stay out of naming it , at least at the beginning. I decided to feel it, really feel it –the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual. As I sat with this neck of mine, I was flooded with the impact this congestion was showing me. First came tastes in my mouth- metal, salty, old. Then came the words- “holding things up’ “holding it together” “ holding on tight so I don’t fall down” “exhaustion”. I took each phrase as a mantra and noticed the impact these words had on my being. “Holding things up” seemed to be begging for support from my feet and a feeling of resentment swam over me which led to anger, slit eyes, rage in my fingertips. ”Holding it together” brought tears, lots of tears and a huge pain between my shoulder blades, in the back of my heart. “ Holding on tight so I don’t fall down” caused my neck to stiffen like a metal rod, then the taste of metal in my mouth and tremendous fear , a feeling a separation between my body and my head. Finally “ exhaustion” brought numbness, as if I couldn’t allow myself to feel that feeling because somewhere in my psyche, my family patterns, somewhere in this body of mine exhaustion meant giving up, failure, so the easiest solution(spiritual contract) seemed to be to go full circle , back to “holding myself up”. What a cycle!, all within a few minutes of scanning the congestion in my sinuses and the back of my neck. This is the deeper work of yoga, the truth of our body story, laid out in front of me if I was willing to see it.
©Marsha T Metzger 2007

The sense of honesty in the experience helped me breathe more deeply , to sigh into the caverns that have wanted to be heard for a very long time. They have waited for a long time.
It seems so simple- scan the body for stuckness, tightness, limited movement, fatigue. We all want to relieve stress, don’t we? But what if we went deeper, beyond the body scan into a life scan. How do I hold myself up in the world? Why do I feel so tired? What is the message of the tears coming from the back of my shoulders? There, there is where the real truth comes out, the place of feeling, the place of LIFE.
When a yoga student walks into my class for the first time, I ask them what they are hoping to receive out of their yoga practice. Some say they want to relieve stress, get more flexible, or stronger. Some just want a break from their children, time for themselves. Now we are getting somewhere. Whatever we are wanting on our yoga mat we are wanting in our lives, aren’t we? Yoga is one way of getting there. So is a body-centered expressive arts approach to healing.
Body Centered Expressive Therapy is a tool, not only to reduce stress in our lives but also to become more of who we are, to let go of the hidden parts of our selves that lodge in our bodies and keep us from being fully alive. Our bodies hold every truth we have or will ever experience-the contracts we made on unconscious levels when we were little children that get carried out in our lives, the traumatic events that caused our bodies to respond in certain ways, even a word or a phrase said innocently enough that changed the course of our lives. All of this is in our body.. Somehow the cells of our bodies find a way to get back to their version of homeostasis, no matter the cost. And for some of us , the cost is very dear. Migraines. Heart disease. Diabetes., Cancer. I am not saying that there are not obvious genetic and environmental and even life choices that influence these diseases. There are. And there are the unconscious places where these diseases may be latent for many years .There are people out there teaching us about how diseases, even small physical , emotional and mental challenges may have roots in certain beliefs. And yes, intention has so much to do with who and how we are around those beliefs(and perhaps changing or “dislodging “ some of them). Affirmations are great. All terrific tools, and in my mind, not nearly enough to help in the real healing of ourselves. For the simple reason that if we don’t feel our bodies, no affirmation in the world will change us. Like I say the body always tell the truth.
I was on dialysis for many years due to side effects from bone cancer as a young child. Believe me, I have explored all this body/mind/spirit stuff for a long long time. I remember a friend telling me that I needed to just say an affirmation before I went in to dialysis, like “ I am at peace” or “ Everything is okay in my world”. Or “just be grateful for another day of life” But I wasn’t living the life I wanted. I was surviving , just trying to exist in the hope that I would one day get to really live the life I wanted to live. Felt great to say all these words, but really I was terrified every single time I entered the dialysis clinic. My solution to avoid the full impact of my terror was to do “hold myself up so I wouldn’t fall down”. My body was simply not buying these affirmations AT ALL!!!! but she was completely willing to go along with the mantra I was repeating in my neck. First I needed to look at the truth of my body’s message behind it’s unwillingness to believe the affirmations. Once I got there, really acknowledged the truth as a felt experience, then I could find my way into true freedom.
©Marsha T Metzger 2007

Embodiment of a feeling can be very frightening. It may lead to a kind of death, or an awareness of where we have died.We need tremendous support when we are in the feeling and in the impact of the feeling. Anger is a good example. Many people live a life of rage, either sending the rage inward or outward with words, even violence to self or others. We see this in morbid obesity, anorexia, gun toting teens. With a body-centered approach to healing we want to feel the fullness of our rage without hurting anyone, including ourselves. We do that by embodying that anger in movement, in hitting a pillow rather than a person, in drawing, in talking, in sitting, in breathing, in simply feeling it. We express our anger and have a witness to it. The witness is the body-centered therapist ,the yoga therapist, a trusted friend, one who can stand with you and say “ I see your anger. I see you. I hear you.” That is really what we are looking for – an acknowledgement of BEING. ALIVE.
Body-centered approaches to healing incorporate all of the tools mentioned above-plus writing, energy healing, essential oils(which bypass the intellectual mind)animal and spirit allies, ancestors, holy moments, the divine, a sensation in our body, tears. Expressive arts such as drawing, painting, writing, dancing, moving can helps us tap into these places in our bodies that have so much to say . Talk therapy can only go so far if the body is still saying something else. Look at a film director who shall remain nameless who has been in analysis forever!
Body-centered expressive therapy takes into account five layers. The first layer is role layer, in which we act out how we think we are supposed to behave in our lives .An example might be the “black sheep” of the family. The next layer is impasse layer, where we may check out of our life experience. An example might include addiction in any form. Next is death layer, where we separate form ourselves and in order not to experience hopelessness we may exist back in impasse and role. After death though, is life layer, where we come from an authentic place of feeling and being who we truly are. Finally there is pure spirit layer, where we live from our divine essence. We move in and out of these layers all the time, but there are common threads or themes that run through our lives that may keep us from life layer. The body-centered approach allows the support of life layer to happen.
If you are able you can try some body-centered techniques yourself.
Sit comfortably on the floor or lie down. Take some deep breaths. Begin to just feel your body, Notice what is happening and do it if you can without labeling anything just yet. Feel. If an emotion emerges, perhaps stay with that emotion for a while and see if there is a body connection. If there is a place in your body that feels different- like sore, or painful, or even numb, just notice. Now bring your attention to the most prominent piece of information, Let’s say it is your right knee. Begin to feel sensations more deeply in that knee. Notice if any emotions are coming forward, or words/phrases. Feel these. For example, perhaps the association with your knee is “ feels separate from my thigh.” Explore that phrase. Notice how it feels to say it. Try saying it out loud a few times. See if a movement begins to emerge. It could be a way you are sitting or lying down, or a gesture with your hands, or a way you are holding your shoulders. Sit up if you are not sitting up and really embody the phrase. Start to say “ I feel separate from my thigh” . Notice the impact of that statement.

©Marsha T Metzger 2007

Or, perhaps get out a drawing pad and draw an image of that statement (or your knee).Once you have drawn a picture, look at it, feel it and write the statement or a new statement on the page. Then write 4 statements based on the picture. One for physical, one for emotional, one for mental and one for spiritual. Then draw another picture based on what one of those statements might need. For example if the mental statement is “ I just can’t seem to do this very well” perhaps a new picture/statement might include a need such as “ I need to know it is okay to fall/fail”
You can also do a word flow using your original statement as your starting point. Write for a few minutes, not long. Then circle three phrases that speak to you,. Say the statements out loud. Move them. Embody them by adding the word “I” or “I am “ at the beginning of each statement. For example, if one of your phrases was “ I don’t remember” then rephrase the statement as you move it , saying “ I am ‘I don’t remember’”. Feel the impact of that statement in your body. Then ask the need behind that statement.A good way to get to the need is to invite an animal image into the process. So if the animal that came to mind was a squirrel, ask the squirrel what it might need.
Now take a rest. Experience you as an emotional body, living. How do you feel? What information have you received? If there has been any answer or relief, can you let yourself receive? Now take some deep breaths. Thank your body for always telling you the truth. Sit in silence for a few moments. BE. BE YOU. ALIVE.
Sat Nam

Marsha T Metzger, M.ed Harvard, RYT 500 is a yoga teacher, mover, body-centered expressive therapist (graduate of the Leven Institute of Movement Therapy)and healer living in MA.. Her websites are www.yogaom.com, www.colormeyoga.com and www.eashoayoga.com

*Please be advised that if you are being treated for mental illness or any kind of addiction or if you feel mentally or emotionally unstable the above exercises should not be done alone. Please seek the support of a licensed professional.

©Marsha T Metzger 2007
Understanding Our Body Story Through Yoga and Body-Centered Expressive Arts
By Marsha T Metzger RYT 500
©Marsha T Metzger 2007