The Anatomy Of An Upset

Do you find your emotions sabotage many of your best efforts? Do you come undone at the slightest thing? Or do you consider yourself super-sensitive? You’re not alone. I had a massive breakthrough many years ago when I had a major revelation about upsets. This understanding alone could help revolutionise your emotional stress management.

Allow me to explain. In life there are many things that happen in the course of every day. What we don’t realise about certain incidences that we get upset about, is that we have attributed certain significance or meaning about what this incident means about us personally. Quite often you can date this back to something that happened when you were a small child. In this moment, you, as a small child, failed to be ‘perfect’. Either not smart enough, nice enough, good enough or whatever.

As in scientific theories where it is impossible to categorically prove something to be true. A scientist will start out with a theory, and then seek out data and evidence to support their theory, often ignoring evidences that contradict their theory, or rationalising them to fit their theory.

Well we as people do the same. We start quite young to gather evidence for whatever theory we decided about ourselves in the mind of our immature selves. We start to do this quite unconsciously. Why is it that some people are always victims? Or other always shy? Or not pretty enough? But when you look at them you can’t understand what they’re talking about. But they do such a good job of convincing you too, you eventually believe them. We all do it. Some more than others.

So next time you notice yourself getting upset, Stop. Define what happened. Then clearly define what you’re making it mean about you. In what way are YOU telling yourself that you’re less than perfect? If somebody said something that upset you, either you on your own made it mean something about your failure to be perfect (and what’s so wrong with that. None of us is perfect). Or you let it in, in such a way that you gave what they said some personal truth. You have control over this as “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanore Roosevelt

Your power and personal respect is in not giving credence to these negatives, and perhaps even learning how to do things better next time. This is a much more empowering way of dealing with upsets.

So right now, take a few minutes to stop and analyse your last upset. What did you make it mean about you? How can you not do that next time? It takes practice, but before long you’ll notice you’re not ruled by your emotions and upsets anymore.

Yours positively
Danick Buskermolen