The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Is Win-Win The Only Way?

We have always been told that "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" espouses the philosophy of win-win as being the only way to negotiate and form agreements with other people - be they at home, at work, in the community or wherever. However Stephen Covey actually tells us that sometimes Win-Lose or Lose-Win or even some other philosophy may be needed. The problem is that you may not fully understand win-win, read this article to find out more.

“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” identifies six different ways of dealing with other people:

Win. When you play for win, you don’t care what the other people are getting from the deal, you don’t want them to loose, you just don’t care if they lose badly. This is the philosophy of “I’m alright Jack” not the philosophy of mutual interdependence or true social interaction.

Win-Lose. In this approach you go in with the attitude that you’re going to win and they’re going to loose. You’re going to use your position/power/force of personality to get what you want and keep them in their place. This is the kind of interaction that stores up massive withdrawals from the emotional bank account of other people and ultimately leads to poor relationships.

Lose-Lose. Quite commonly when two people get together with a win-lose attitude, both will end up losing. This is the philosophy of ‘mutually assured destruction’ which leads to gridlock, stagnation and destruction of opportunities for everyone involved.

Lose-Win. You may approach someone else with the expectation that you’re going to loose and they’re going to win. This often happens when a person of low self esteem deals with someone of higher self esteem. The problem with this approach is that the person who loses will feel that they have given too much and got too little and will store up resentments that gradually build up causing a crisis in the relationship.

At this point the person can switch to a Win-Loose approach until some balance is restored. The result is that both people end up loosing…

Win-win. In this approach, you both play to win, at the same time recognising that there is plenty to go around and it is possible for both sides to be successful. This is the basis of mutually fulfilling, strong and successful relationships where both sides are interdependent and benefit from the relationship.

One mistake commonly made by people when playing for win-win is to actually end up falling in to loose-win. You may become so focussed on ensuring that the other person wins that you forget to make sure you get a win as well!

Sometimes it may not always appear possible for both sides to win when you first start talking about something. One alternative is Win-win or no deal where you start out with the perspective that if you can’t achieve a mutually satisfactory win-win result you’ll just agree to disagree.
When you do this, you’ll find out that the pressure to win is removed and you can have much more open and free discussions which are more likely to result in you finding a mutually agreeable solution.

Although Stephen Covey recommends win-win as being the best approach for almost all interactions, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” does recognise that some other approaches are needed at certain times.

For instance a football game where both sides played for win-win would lack the edge of excitement that the spectators need! So win-loose is the dominant paradigm in sport. Alternatively you may choose to play loose-win with someone who you want to give a boost to. When you’re dealing with a child, you may sacrifice your desire to win in order to build up their self-confidence and to make a deposit into their emotional bank account.

Win-win is the best approach for the majority of interactions in your life at home, at work, in business or in your community. “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” makes this very clear. However there are times when a different approach is needed. You need to have a clear understanding of the different approaches to make sure that you always get the best result in your relationships.

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