Teenage Girls and their Self Esteem

Creating a positive sense of self is as important to the teenage daughter as her reading the "Do not feed the lions" sign at the zoo. Disregarding either can result in losing very necessary parts of herself.

"The Secrets to Having the Teenage Daughter you Actually Like" with Dr. Cheryl Guy

How a girl evolves into her adolescent and teenage years with her self esteem intact can be defined as a tight rope walk at times. Self esteem building begins as a child and continues building upon itself one step at a time. If along the tight rope walk of self esteem she finds herself missing her steps, substantial falls and injury may occur.

Keeping the tight rope walk of self esteem in mind, how can a teenage girl or teenage daughter keep one step ahead of the other to avoid tumbling to the ground below? Is there anything parents can do to aid in the process of self esteem building? I believe the answer to both of those questions is a resounding YES!

As a matter of fact, if you are a teenage girl and are reading this article, ask your mom or some other trusted adult to help you as you build self esteem up. If you are the parent of a teenage daughter and you happen to be reading this article in search of information to improve self esteem on behalf of your daughter, you have come to the right place.

The initial step in building self esteem back to a healthy level could possibly be the toughest. It requires total honesty with oneself. The mask of deception and false representations of oneself must be taken off and the individual must be able to see herself as open and bare.

Some of the masks could be in the form of anger. Anger is a defense mechanism that could be used to protect against others from seeing what is really going on inside of a person. The anger mask is put on when the individual feels threatened in some way. To those on the other side of the mask, the persona of toughness is seen, when actually on the inside of the anger, fear resides. There is also the fear from the discovery of inadequacies being revealed. Beneath the "anger mask" sits vulnerability and perceived weakness.

Another mask could be the mask of the "class clown". This mask also does a really good job of sending the message that an individual is always joking around. Joking around and not being serious keeps others from learning what is really going on inside isn't very funny at all. Laughing at the jokes is a lot better than laughing at the person that hides behind the mask of the class clown. To keep from being perceived as a "joke" the mask wearer tells jokes to keep everyone laughing at those rather than her as a person.

There is also the "Pollyanna mask". These masks keep everyone on the other side in a constant state of desiring to be more like miss perfect as she is always so sweet and kind. Pollyanna never makes mistakes and everything always seems to be going just right with her. In all actuality, she is oftentimes the sickest of all of us. Underneath her mask, she is far from perfect and keeping the persona of being so perfect prevents her from forming real relationships. Nobody ever truly knows who Pollyanna-miss perfect really is, not even herself.

The masks of the "over achiever", "workaholic", "cleanaholic",
committeeaholic, "schoolclubaholic", etc. are all very similar. These are the people who over commit and over involve themselves in things because the busier they are with their time, the less time they have to spend with themselves alone. These mask wearers hide behind their busyness to keep others focusing on their hard work and involvement in activities rather than on the deficiencies that lies within themselves. They may be trying to prove to everyone that they are worthy and can actually be someone that others perceive as important or smart. In their
attempts to undo the wrongs of their past, they oftentimes work themselves into a state of an emotional breakdown. It is hard to wear the "everyone can count on me" mask and be all things to all people.

There is a mask that girls and women put on called the "beauty mask". This mask disguises the many flaws that lie beneath the make-up and name brand clothes. No amount of eye liner and mascara can ultimately hide what the eyes are truly saying. They are saying "I want you to believe that I am beautiful on the outside because if you really saw what I looked like underneath, you wouldn't think I was beautiful at all". Hiding behind the fabulous outfits, fancy beads, earrings, and makeup "beauty mask" is a shallow shield against the truth that screams "I want to love myself, but I don't"!

The masks above are just some of the many masks that people wear. In improving self esteem, help your teenage daughter to discover and name the mask that she may be wearing. If you look close enough, you too may even discover that you wear a similar mask or have in the past. The road to self esteem building may be a journey you can take together. Like I said before, the first step is the most difficult because it calls for honesty and removal of the mask.