Summer’s Coming - What Do I Do with the Kids?

As we get closer to summer, one of the most frequent questions parents ask me as a parenting adviser is how to keep their kids occupied once school is out. They tell me weekends are hard enough without having to find things for them to do all week!

Meanwhile their kids, still in school, are counting the days until their school year is over. They are looking forward to their freedom! Often their parents have already enrolled them in camps to help keep them busy over the summer and to keep them on a learning track. But even these parents can feel terrified by the prospect of days or weeks of kids at home until camp starts.

My answer is to let your children get bored! I tell parents it is actually not our job as parents to entertain our children. Sure, we are responsible for their safety, for creating caring and stimulating environments for them, and for setting a good example of honest, joyful living. But a few good books, a few bits of craft materials, a little space to move around in, and a few hugs and praises are all a child needs to progress as she or he needs to during the down times when school or other lessons aren’t in session.

One of the biggest drawbacks to school in its present form in this society, together with all the associated extracurricular activities which parents feel their children must participate in these days, is that today's kids have very little chance to learn to entertain themselves. They seem to demand that the video screen entertain them, or their phones, or their friends, or their parents. In fact, let them get bored.

If a child is bored, it is either because they are exhausted by too much activity or exhausted from too little sleep, or in most cases both. Their creative faculties have been dulled.

Many of today’s parents are actually in the same boat. We don’t even realize there is another way to be. We could easily relax and amuse ourselves with books, hobbies, walks, or workouts. But we don’t. Instead in many families the only model the parents create for their kids is one of being in constant motion, doing things we aren’t sure we really want to be doing and feeling bad if we are sitting still doing nothing. Adults everywhere are accustomed to using noise, food, or caffeine to keep us functioning when we are actually exhausted by work or lack of sleep, or both.

But kids are closer to nature. They can more easily discover how to enjoy their down time, if we let them have some, and they get used to the creative challenge of it. This summer, invite your children to vegge a bit. When a child declares, “I’m bored,” it isn’t a command to parents to come up with something to do.

Instead make a new suggestion like, “If you’re bored, go take a nap. Then you’ll have the energy to think of something to do with yourself.” This may sound like it could never happen in your family. But I mean business. A nap is what they need. They will balk at first, but being allowed to rest is a wonderful privilege they will come to appreciate. Parents are amazed when after a nap the mood of the child can change dramatically.

Most importantly, the child will begin to think more creatively. Creative thinking is a skill that many kids don’t practice much during the school year. Yet it’s essential for a fulfilling life and some good practice over the summer will have them renewed and centered for the next school year.

There’s a bonus. The bonus is that the parent-child relationship will improve dramatically because the kid doesn’t run the show. The parent is no longer either a puppet or a puppet master. The child has space to grow at his or her own pace and the parent has time and space to appreciate the fine young person he or she is guiding towards adulthood. Watching a child amuse her or himself is one of the best ways for parents to become more confident that they are doing their job and to be able to celebrate their success.