Sudden Spouse Death

Baby boomers are coming of age. 60 is the magical number, but to a "Boomer", that is really not old, and most can't understand how this age has suddenly made them "old" to society.

They are still vibrant, full of life, living and going about their business.

But what happens when a spouse suddenly passes away? Are they ready for this sudden loss? Have they prepared one another for the fact that they are not invincible? Does the one know how they are going to function without the other?

I myself have been married for 40 years. I married young at 20 and when you think about it, we have been together for more than half our age. It is inconceivable to think of not being together. We think alike, remember the same incidences simultaneously, can look at each other and know what the other is thinking. We can laugh at something that happened 30 years ago.

What will happen to you when you are suddenly alone? Will you be able to cope?

More importantly, will you know what to do?

Can you balance the check book, do the laundry, cook a meal? When do the grandchildren do extra mural activities? When are their birthdays? Where is the will? How much insurance do you have?

Are you ready?

And invariably, the answer, sadly, is NO. No-one is ever ready for the reality of a sudden passing of a spouse, but you need to know that IF it happens to you, you will know how to function going forward.

Both spouses need to have necessary information readily available.
- addresses and telephone numbers of family and friends
- name of minister and address of religious worship

Arrangements for funeral

1. Arrange with minister for funeral and service.

2. Designate two or three friends to telephone your list of friends to advise them what happened, and give the funeral arrangements.

3. People will bring food to the house. Make sure that there are refreshments to offer mourners. Delegate this to your friends.

Questions that you need to ask yourself.

Do I have enough money to live on.

Man:

o Are my finances in order

o Do we have a will

o Do I have health insurance

o Can I afford to pay someone to do work for me that I can't do

o Do I know who our accountant/lawyer is

o Can I afford a housekeeper

o Do I know how to organize our finances. Learn the rudiments of bookkeeping or download Quicken to help you organize the finances.

Woman:

o Do I have enough money to live on

o Do I have health insurance

o Where is the will

o Who is our accountant/lawyer

o If I don't drive, can I employ a driver when necessary

o Can I afford a housekeeper if necessary

o Can I balance the check book? Learn the rudiments of bookkeeping or download Quicken which will help you organize your finances.

There are rudimentary lessons to be learned in order to function in the 21st century. The Internet is one of them, as it can make life easier to manage because of the great resources there are to be found. The first of these lessons is navigating the world wide web, and the second is e-mail. A Baby Boomer will have grown up with a fast changing pace in technology, and is more adept at embracing new ideas than the parents before them. They will more probably have a working understanding of navigating these two aspects of the web.

Another aspect of concern - and a very real one - is "who will I go to Annie's wedding with?" There is nothing scarier than going to a dinner dance wedding .... Alone! So, I am not advocating an escort service (!), but a meeting of people in like circumstances. Without relying on one's family to "find them a date", it is important to join clubs that cater to single people for the purpose of exchanging ideas and making friends. If you play tennis, search out singles and go to the movies with them, have a luncheon, start a book club. Make it known that you are looking for company, and not another spouse. If love follows... Hooray!

Take cooking lessons if you've never been in the kitchen besides looking in the fridge for a beer or a late night snack. Give cooking lessons if you are a good cook, and teach elementary cooking skills.

What about laundry, oh bane of everyone's life!! Outsource it if you really don't want to do it. There are laundry services that will pick up and deliver and it should cost you less in the long run than having to buy new clothes because you a) shrank it b) ran the colors c) burned it with the iron !!

Depression is an obstacle that needs to be addressed. The most upbeat person will have days of gloom and "why did this happen to me?"

We need to face the fact that one of these couples is going to die before the other. The question is - are you prepared? It is one thing when a long illness prepares you for the advent of a death, and there is time to put one's affairs in order. It is a totally different thing when one passes away suddenly with no warning. You have to be prepared!

Life is a plan. You plan for your old age, for death insurance, for funeral arrangements in the future. What about planning survival when your plan goes bad? Do you have an alternative? Are you prepared?