Relationship Repair (You Don't Have To Be Perfect)

FACE THE PROBLEM
The most important determining factor as to whether your present course of life is happy & successful, or frustratingly disappointing, is the quality of your relationships, especially with your "significant other". If your special relationship is deteriorating, or at a standstill, or at the very best, progressing very slowly, it could cause you to give up and just accept your fate of being in a failed relationship. You may even decide that the only logical course is to leave and get right out of the situation (the “I don’t need this crap” attitude).

Occasionally, in some situations, leaving may be the right thing to do. However, before that decision is made, you should know that it does NOT have to end that way. It is possible to turn a relationship around and save it. But it needs two people, who are committed to whatever effort is necessary, to make the difference.

There are some who believe that a relationship should not require effort or work. Their view may be that either you love and are right for each other, or you are not. And, they reason, if you are not, then the relationship should just end. Does that make sense? No! Not at all!

OPTIONS AND ACTIONS
Let me explain. If your relationship is frustrating, if it’s causing you sadness, anger or unhappiness, would it not be wise to determine why? What exactly are the problems? Are there some truly workable solutions to these very personal problems? Yes, of course. There are always choices available that can make a major difference. Think of the example of trying to grow a successful garden. Once the seeds are planted, do you walk away, concluding that the garden will be just fine and that it doesn't need any further attention? Of course not! It needs to be nurtured, nourished, watered and weeded occasionally. So do relationships.

WORK TOGETHER AS PARTNERS WHO WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
If you and your partner hit a bad patch or severe bumps in the road, don't despair. Go to work on it instead. You must both "get on board" and share equally in the effort to make things better. You need honesty and a lot of frank, open, healthy discussion. But there are other very important elements that must also be present in those discussions. Sensitivity, diplomacy and kindness are crucial attitudes you must display to give this “repair” process a chance of being successful. You also need to understand the process of “active listening”. Ask yourself if you are truly prepared to practice it? It’s critical you understand what’s involved. It means you will focus on really hearing, appreciating and understanding what your partner is expressing. Forget about WHO is right. Focus on WHAT is right, or wrong, for the health of the relationship. Adjustments will certainly be required by both of you. Then there’s the question of what “sacrifices” may be required.

ADJUSTMENTS vs SACRIFICES
Wait a minute. What’s the difference between adjustments and sacrifices? Well, it’s a simple, but significant, difference. Adjustments are small changes that you may consider to be of minor importance. But you understand that they are important to your partner, so in the interests of making things better, you agree to make the effort to adjust.

Sacrifices, on the other hand, are matters much bigger in importance to you and require a more consistent effort and focus on your part to make the changes involved. They may require you to do some real soul searching, including understanding that such sacrifices may be “deal breakers” if they are not made. All of this is very personal, very intimate, very sensitive and critically important.

REMEMBER THE WAY WE WERE (CAN WE GET IT BACK?)
Speaking of being personal and intimate, are you prepared to allow your partner to be the person they were when you were first attracted to them? Instead of seething inside and compiling a mental list of all the things he or she does that you don't like or appreciate, here’s a better idea. Focus on what that same list of things says about YOU. Examine it carefully, item by item. You may be surprised to learn that it’s YOU that has intolerant attitudes or points of view that need to be fixed. Next, remind yourself of all the traits, characteristics and behaviors that you loved and adored about your partner right from the start. You may find that you still appreciate those traits today. Is it possible that in recent months and/or years, you pushed these features so far into the background that you’ve forgotten and no longer appreciate them? Sure! Fortunately, that’s fixable….quickly.

PROGRESS
If you are serious and persist in your determination to do this relationship repair, every one of the barriers causing you to think about leaving, can soon be lowered or perhaps even completely eliminated. Once they have, you will again experience the joy you knew previously and you’ll remember why you connected in the first place.

MAINTENANCE - AN APPROACH THAT WILL PROTECT YOUR FUTURE
You will now have in your relationship skills the means and motivation to continue to pay attention to this most important of all relationships. So use these newly-honed skills to maintain an enhanced appreciation of your partner. Be alert for early signs that something needs further attention (e.g. perhaps you are slipping a little on a couple of the adjustments you agreed to make) and do the fine tuning that appears to be necessary. These actions will help to keep things strong and healthy.

As you come to realize that you still do really care for each other, jointly discuss and come to agreement on HOW you will safeguard the relationship in the time ahead. First, agree that your relationship is NOT a matter of a simple 50/50 collaboration. Instead, view it as a matter of personal responsibility to start each day, everyday, ready to give 100% to your relationship. How? By asking yourself what you can do TODAY and everyday, to support your partner and make his/her life a little bit better?

BE PREPARED TO INVEST THE REQUIRED TIME.
When you first started down this road to relationship repair, you may have had feelings of despair. Things may have looked so overwhelmingly bad that it was impossible to visualize success. Once you realize that this is going to be a journey that you CANcan and need to take, you will also understand that you cannot complete it in a day or a weekend. Wisely, you accept the fact that you must give it whatever time it requires.

HERE’S THE BEST PART – PERSONAL POWER
Here’s some very good news for you. You are filled with power and ability that you don't know that you have. But it is there, inside you, waiting to be used. With the proper use of that personal power, you can BE, DO, HAVE ANYTHING YOU DECIDE YOU WANT……including a wonderfully warm and satisfying relationship with the one you care about most.

Once you acknowledge this, you will begin to get a good grasp on that power. Soon you will learn to harness it and use it in ways that will change your life forever. Again, imagine achieving anything that you decide you want. This includes a successful relationship with the most important person in your life. To keep the quality of your relationship at a high level, you will be helped by your own alertness and on-going maintenance as required and not allowing issues to fester. Life with your partner can again be realistically sweet and delightful. Yes, it really IS POSSIBLE.

So, how does this happen? Well, you can't just hope it happens. It requires the intelligent use of your personal power, your emotional drive, an absolute passion for what you are doing, as well as unrelenting determination to succeed, coupled with the refusal to quit or give up, EVER. Anyone can quit and walk away. That’s easy. But you need to have real love for your partner and the courage to stick it out and work it out, step by step, for as long as it takes.

THE PAYOFF
Thoughts become things. Plans, hopes and dreams can become realities, but NOT by just wishing it was so. Sorry, it's just not that simple. Think about what you want, visualize it as though it is already yours, stay passionate about it, use laser-like focus on it and put it all together with intelligent action. Then help, support and appreciate your partner every step of the way. You will soon be amazed and delighted with what you have achieved together.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY - STEP BY STEP
Well known author, Dr. Joe Vitale, simplifies it even more. Dr. Vitale says that if you use it properly at the beginning, you will be successful even sooner, or it will feel like it was very fast .What is it? He calls it "be happy in the now”, this very moment and every moment. Live each day with joy. Love your present life. Don't be discouraged if the BIG DREAMS you have and are trying to manifest, seem to be slow in coming.

Go ahead and think the thoughts, do the visualization and take the actions you and your partner have decided on. Then relax and enjoy every moment of the little achievements, as you are working towards the larger ones. Take delight in the little steps of forward progress you are making, every moment of every day. Then suddenly, those big dreams will start being fulfilled and your relationship, as well as the other things you are working on, will bring you the success you have been planning and working for so long. Soon, you and your partner will be looking at each other with a new and clearer vision of respect, admiration and appreciation about this wonderful journey you are taking together and the whole new life that it is opening up for both of you.

REALITY…. OR FANTASY?
Is this hard to accept? The first time you hear it, it may be mind boggling! But what if it is true? If you haven’t already done so, read Napoleon Hill's book "THINK and GROW RICH"? It will excite you with enthusiasm you didn't know you had. The book was written many years ago and is still considered THE BOOK of its kind. It is revered all over the world. It has much wisdom to share, but most of all, it has this encouraging quote:

"Anything a man can conceive and believe, he can achieve."

This is a direct reference to the personal power that you already have (deep inside) that will enable you to do wondrous things. So, if you can conceive it, then really believe it, you can and will achieve your goal by implementing those intelligent actions you have been considering, one at a time, and by celebrating success at every little step of progress.

RETURN TO BLISS
Remember, be happy in the moment. Along with your partner, focus on the now, take care of each other and you'll take care of the future. You’ll also delight in the joy of once again basking in the love of your significant other and loving him or her in return.