Overcoming Jealousy

Jealousy is an emotion experienced by people all over the world, but when you have it you may feel as if you are completely abnormal or out of control. Overcoming jealousy for most people is often a matter of finding sensible practical strategies to help you deal with the insecure thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. For some people there may also be an element of low self esteem that fuels your concerns and jealous thoughts about someone else.

Jealousy usually involves suspicion and fear of possible rivals – for example, you are in a relationship and you fear that your partner is or may be attracted to someone else and may be unfaithful to you or reject or leave you. This can lead to all kinds of behaviour about which you feel ashamed or guilty, such as:

• Spying on your partner or looking at their emails or text messages
• Shouting at your partner (or whoever else is the person that you are worried may be deceiving you or wanting to be with someone else)
• Trying to limit or restrict what your partner can do or how they spend their time to an unreasonable degree.

On other occasions the word ‘jealousy’ can be used to refer to what some people might say would be more accurately called envy: namely when you wish that you had the qualities, possessions or attributes of another person.

Both types of jealousy may involve some of the following features:

• A tendency to compare yourself to someone else
• A worry or belief that in some respect you lack something that someone else has or that you are inferior to them in some way
• Attaching a high degree of importance to this perception that you are inferior or lack something

Here are some simple tips if you are experiencing the features of jealousy or envy that you might follow to try to begin along the path to overcoming your jealousy:

- Try to identify situations when you find yourself feeling jealous and write down for yourself what the specific thoughts or concerns are that are going through your head at that time. Then write down alongside each thought, what you might say to yourself when these thoughts arise that will help you to put them in perspective. When the jealous situation arises, try out saying those balancing thoughts before you begin acting in a way which you might later regret.

- If your jealousy arises from feeling insecure or from feeling that your worth is dependent on the opinion or praise of one individual then tryout out some ways to improve your general sense of self esteem and self belief independently or the person who is at the centre of your jealous anxieties or fears. For example, you might write a list of your positive qualities and achievements and read it through on a daily basis or when you are feeling jealous or insecure, to remind yourself that you do have worth and value.

- Where possible avoid or minimise lifestyle elements that might affect your ability to control your jealous – for example avoid intoxicants such as alcohol or illegal drugs.

I hope you find these introductory strategies for dealing with jealousy. For further information feel free to visit my website or think of your own ideas and try them out to see which ones work best for you.