Observations Of 40 Something Single Woman

I have been single most of my adult life. Married young at 23, widowed by 29, I’ve had 1 long term relationship, dated countless men, indulged in interludes of passion and lust that have allowed me to discover what I desire and what I don’t. On my journey I believe I’ve discovered the “secret”.

Yes, I have lived and learned, as a student of human behavior I have observed men and women (singles and couples) and for the past several years have been a life-single’s coach and have a myriad of clients that ask the same thing: “where do I meet someone?” and “how come it’s so hard to be with someone?”

Here’s the secret: You cannot have it all! And before even contemplating to figure out the “where” and the “how come” you must decide one thing: you must decide freely whether to be the masculine energy partner or the feminine energy partner. Neither partner can be both. It just does not work!
Scenario: you are successful in your career, but without a fulfilling romantic relationship, the skills you use in your business life, with the talents you need to employ in the bedroom and with a man in a relationship generally don’t mix.

If you are a woman with more masculine energy and have found love, I will bet that it is with a man who has a lot of “feminine” energy.

What does that mean? Simply stated, he has more estrogen in him, than his masculine counterparts.

Hormones: estrogen and testosterone, which one rules you is what you’ve got to figure out…and generally, if a female has more “masculine” energy, it will be difficult for her to be with a very masculine type “man”.

Estrogen is the hormone produced chiefly by the ovaries and responsible for promoting the development and maintenance of female sex characteristics. (Sensitive, gentle and nurturing)

Testosterone is the hormone responsible for the development and maintenance of male sex characteristics. (Helps build muscle, elevates your mood and sex drive)

No, I am not saying play the “game” or by the “rules” book…but you need to decide truly in your heart and in your mind….whether you’re the female energy or the male energy.
What does all that mean, well simple stated if you’re anything like me, “confident, competitive, ambitious and with a high sex drive) then you have more male energy than other women.
I have joked about it for years “oh, I guess I have too much testosterone” and you know what, I do and I don’t hide it, whether at work or in my personal life, I have accepted and embraced it as who I am.

I am female in all outward appearances, from the way I dress, to love wearing makeup and jewelry and changing shades of blond every 3 months. But I have never nor will I ever “play” female for a man’s ego in order to make him feel more important. I have never smiled coyly while listening to his chatter and feigned interest, nor do I bite my lip, tilt my head and just listen and not give my opinion and not say what I really think so he doesn’t feel intimidated.

And this is the difference. Most masculine energy men, say they’re attracted to strong women, but in the end, they don’t want to compete on an intellectual level. In conversing, a man with “male” energy does not want to hear your advice, but instead wants your support, encouragement and enthusiasm, even when you totally disagree!

That to me, is playing a “game”, in my opinion, it’s being manipulative, conniving and trying to attain a man as a mean’s to and end, i.e.: the means “being manipulative” the end, “getting the man”.

I read somewhere that a woman should “nourish a man’s self esteem” and not feel “better” than him…I chuckled and called my best male friend, who is gay and has a lot of masculine energy, he doesn’t want to compete with me, but appreciates my strength, confidence and intelligence.

And I admit I revel in being that woman! Why would I want to be with anyone (male or female) that’s not at my level of intelligence?

Something I else I recently read, “to be with a man a woman needs to feel “small” and “helpless” vulnerable and in need of being “rescued”. I guess I have never wanted to be rescued, don’t feel helpless and although I am 5’ tall, never, ever feel small!
My masculine energy is there. It makes me who I am and I cannot or will not “change”, for this is my life, I am not living it for anyone else.
Terri Giosia