Living with Multiple Sclerosis

After months of tests to determine the cause of a weakness on my left side and my sudden propensity for falling, I was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Since then, I have been living with this disease which is slowly progressing and has been changing my life in many ways. My ability to walk has been diminished and I suffer from fatigue and sometimes depression. I have had to learn to adapt to these changes in my life.

Before being afflicted, I walked to work and back home every day. I would often walk at lunch time and after work as well. Since my job was a mile from my home, I clocked a minimum of two miles walking each day. Slowly, my ability to walk more than a few blocks is being diminished. I find that now I will not venture too far at lunch time nor will I go out grocery shopping or window shopping in the early evening. My husband has taken over the grocery shopping. I am still able to use public transportation for short trips and I have Access a Ride which I can call for longer or more complicated journeys. This is a service that the city provides for handicapped citizens.

I also go through periods when I get very tired in the early afternoon and a sense of fatigue overwhelms me until evening time when it just goes away. During this time, it is very difficult to even do basic chores and when it happens at work I have to force myself to be somewhat productive. My job entails a lot of contact with new students and their parents in a high school setting. I find that when I am interacting with other people, the fatigue is not as bad. When work slows down, the fatigue seems to get worse.

Depression is another symptom that has cropped up. I have talked with my doctor about this and taken steps to combat the problem. I focus on the things to be thankful for rather than the negative. I meditate and pray which helps to alleviate the anxiety that seems to lead to depression. I have for a period of time taken anti-depressant medication but I do not want to rely on pills so I try alternative methods. Reading spiritual and self-help books has helped. I also have become more involved in things that I enjoy doing in the house and around the house such as baking and gardening. For the first time, I started making bread which I feel helps in relieving anxiety and I suppose saves a little money. It is also delicious and my family enjoys the results of my ventures. During gardening season, I enjoy planting flowers and watching the beauty as they blossom and grow. I have not been as successful with vegetables but I will keep trying.

Living with M.S. has been a challenge but I have tried to live as normally as possible under the circumstances, I still work and I try to do as much as I am able to around the house. I sometimes fear the future and see visions of wheelchairs and motorized scooters but I learned many years ago that we only have today and the future is unknown. If it should happen that I become so disabled as to need those items I will be ready. I strive to have gratitude for the good things in my life and to have the courage to deal with the negatives.