Have you ever felt like if people were to take the time and effort just get to know you a little bit more, they would love you? I have. Ego trip? Perhaps.

What exactly does "to know me is to love me" mean?

Some have interpreted it to mean "if people were to just get to know me a little bit more, they'd discover that I am kind, loving, honest, trustworthy, warm, interesting, intelligent, knowledgeable, responsible, witty, exciting, happy-go-lucky, fun-loving, and oh-so-sexy." The whole great human being nine yards!

Someone can have all these great qualities but not "look" like the kind of person we can love or want to love. And sometimes taking the time and effort to get "to know" somebody on a deeper level than just what we see on the surface can make us "love" them a little bit more.

I've always been fascinated with the concept of KNOWLEDGE AS LOVE and interpret "to know me is to love me" somewhat differently.

In my African language having sex or making love with another person is also referred to as "KNOWING" that person. So can you imagine asking a testosterone charged man so determined to woo you, "What do you want from me?" and he says "I want to KNOW you!" or asking a crazy in love woman who just can't leave you alone, "For God's sake, what do you want me to do?" and she says, "I want you to KNOW me". Those words go through your heart, down the spine to the groin area. Well, may be not your spine and groin, but it certainly does mine.

A man or woman irritated with prolonged eye contact (which signifies sexual interest) might rudely say, "Don't try to KNOW me!" or "Don't make yourself familiar!" Implying don't try to look into my soul or don't try to make contact with my soul (through my eyes, the window to my soul).

When I first started studying this concept in full awareness, I realized that I had to re-learn what "love" and "love making" really mean allover. The words “don’t have sex with someone you don’t know” all of a sudden had an interesting and more deeper meaning.

Where I am at now, I have concluded that "knowing" (or knowledge) and love making are so closely related that love cannot act in it's completeness without knowledge, and knowledge can not know in fullness without love.

Let me try to break it down like this. What does "to know" mean?

1. To perceive directly; grasp in the mind with clarity or certainty
2. To regard as true beyond doubt
3. To have a practical understanding of, as through experience; be skilled in
4. To have fixed in the mind
5. To have experience of
6. To perceive as familiar; recognize
7. To be acquainted with
8. To be able to distinguish; recognize as distinct
9. To discern the character or nature of
10. To possess knowledge, understanding, or information
11. To be cognizant or aware
12. To have sexual knowledge (or sexual intercourse)

I understand this to mean that part of "knowing" is filtering the information we receive in an attempt to get through to "the truth". Familiarizing ourselves with "the truth" establishes "trust". In establishing trust, we are attempting to love (or make love) based on truth and trust.

When "to know" is applied to those we love, the truth we seek and the trust we attempt to establish is personal, is insightful, is healing, is nurturing, is bonding, is so intimate, and fulfilling. These are also some of the same words we use when we talk of "love".

On a conscious or sub-conscious level we understand and grasp with clarity and certainty what "to know" means. We even place a high value on knowledge as "power" for good or ill. Much of what we do with knowledge is built around formalizing, managing and controlling it, because knowledge is indeed "power". A person without knowledge has no power.

Isn't it therefore ironic that we live in a world intent on driving a wedge between knowledge and love (the greatest POWER of all?). Even more ironic that we never think in terms of a person without knowledge has no love? Ironic that we claim love, call on love and talk the love talk, but take comfort (and sometimes pride) in not "knowing" those we claim to love or not wanting "to know" those we want to love?

It begs the question, why? Is it because we don't want "to know" or is it because we don't think we can live with that knowledge?

Why, if we want to be loved unconditionally do we place conditions on how much of our "Self" we let be known (or can be asked to be known)?

Are we acting in and with love when we withhold information (knowledge) about who we really are, what we've done, what has been done to us, how far we've come? etc. Are we cheating the person we withhold knowledge from of the experience of loving us unconditionally?

Are we afraid of the power of knowledge or are we just unsure of the power of love?

I for one feel truly LOVED when truly KNOWN. Loving only the parts of me that you know and like isn't loving me at all. That kind of "loving me" is more about you than it is about me. Loving the parts of me that you know and don't like is closer to loving me. Seeking (in truth) to know me (and all that I am about) is attempting to love me. To know me in entirety is to love me unconditionally!!!

Author's Bio: 

Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Dating Confidence/Relationships Coach who has devoted her life to the blending of indispensable age-old wisdom with modern realities into a prescription for passion, vitality, balance and effortlessness. Her thought-provoking message of conscious intentionality offers singles new, realistic and stimulating insights to rediscovering the mysteries and eternal beauty of men - women sexual relationships.

Christine's main website: torontosnumber1datedoctor.com