Rejection is one of the most painful experiences in relationships. As soon as a person feels their partner is rejecting them or finding fault, they quickly begin to reject their partner and reject themselves as well. In this case, their sense of self-worth is dependent on how their partner feels about them.

When an individual is in an abusive relationship, and rejection and fault finding are on-going, it is not unusual for them to completely lose confidence in themselves and even feel they are not deserving of love.

But let’s look at this more closely. What really happens when feelings of rejection surface? Are these feelings truly caused by the behavior of another, or is it because this individual does not feel good about themselves? When an individual has solid self-esteem, another person’s behavior cannot shake their basic confidence or feeling of worthiness.

There are basic steps to developing basic confidence and self-esteem. These steps are like vitamins and minerals for the soul. When we practice these steps daily, we become less vulnerable to the behavior of others, planted on solid ground. Four, preliminary steps follow. Try them out and see for yourself.

1) Realize That The Way A Person Treats You Says More About Them Than About You

Negative behavior says a lot more about the person behaving that way than it does about you. When you feel stung by your partner’s behavior, stop a moment and realize it is their difficulty or pain they are expressing. Don’t take it in.

When you go absorb their negative behavior you are going along with their problem and turning it on yourself.When someone behaves negatively towards you, say to yourself, this is a call for help and understanding.

2) Stop Taking Rejection Personally

Why is it so common to take rejection personally? It is because we also spend a great deal of our time rejecting most of what life brings our way, including ourselves. We want one thing and get another. We want our partner to behave in one way and they do the opposite. Soon we begin to feel there’s something wrong with everyone we meet, that it’s up to us change and control them.

But it is inevitable that the more we reject others, the more we will be rejected as well. If you are being rejected a lot, take time to notice the ways in which you reject others. Then stop it. Turn it around. Look for what is good or right about the person or situation in front of you. Look for what is good and right about yourself.

3) Do Not Look For The Faults Of Others

Loneliness and upset in our relationships comes from searching other’s faults. We also project our own faults upon others as well. We blame them for it, and reject it all. This never makes for happy relationships where both parties can be themselves, feel wanted and grow naturally.

When we catch ourselves being caught in this pattern we can stop it by taking responsibility for what is happening. We can immediately notice how we are perceiving our partner. Next we take charge of our perceptions and decide what to focus upon. In any moment there are things we could be acknowledging. Why are we choosing to acknowledge the bad points? It’s important to ask and answer that.

4) Make An Inventory of Your Strong Points.

The more we value, like and appreciate ourselves, the less we’ll look for the faults of others. Take time to make an inventory of your strong points. What is good, valuable and worthwhile about you? Why would someone want to have you as their partner? What gifts do you bring? I

If you are not clear about your own value, it’s hard to see the value in others. We must learn to acknowledge and value respect ourselves if we wish to have others treat us this way as well.

5)Choose To Offer Acceptance and Understanding

The more we value, like and appreciate others, the happier we will be.The experience of acceptance and oneness is what everyone desires. Give that to others and give it to yourself. In order to do this you must realize that whoever appears before you is simply another aspect of yourself. Judgment or the desire to change them is not necessary. Curiosity is a better response.

As we allow others to be who they are, and view them with understanding and acceptance we develop open heartedness and become happier, healthier and more fulfilled in our lives and relationships.

Author's Bio: 

Discover the surprising truths about love that will enhance your relationship, by working with the unique program in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). Psychologist, relationship expert and speaker, Dr Shoshanna provides talks, workshops and counseling. She is the author of many books, including Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), The Anger Diet, Why Men Leave (Putnam), and many more. Free ezine and bonus book available. Go to: Contact her at mailto: