Five Fables And Foibles Of False Expectations

Florida State Sociology Professor John Reynolds published a study that shows high school seniors’ expectations of success are wildly outpacing their actual production. The article is available on-line for a fee; here is a free synopsis. Telling a student to “reach for the stars” or “the world is your oyster” may seem like great advice but evidence paints a more realistic picture. The divergent paths of expectations and results lead to high levels of stress, anxiety, and, in some cases, depression.

Professor Reynolds suggests that much energy, expense and emotional well-being is spent in pursuit of unrealistic goals or expectations (i.e. the marginal high school student who continues to vehemently suggest he will one day be a physician) that delay pursuit of more practical or realistic career choices.

I am grateful someone finally quantified this phenomenon in a study! Unrealistic expectations; in essence, FALSE Expectations are dangerous. Edward De Bono, a psychologist and Author of “75 books translated into 37 different languages” most notably; “The Use of Lateral Thinking” (1967) and “How to have a Beautiful Mind” (2004) says, “Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.”

Literature, by way of implication and innuendo is rife with similar advice.

“Blessed is the man who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed.” Alexander Pope (1688 – 1744), English Poet, and the third most frequently quoted writer in the English language.

“Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise.” ~~ Alice Walker (1944 -- ) Feminist, Author, Pulitzer Prize for fiction (1983) for “The Color Purple”

“To be freed of the expectations of others; to be given back to ourselves; there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.” Joan Didion (1934 -- ) American Author and Playwrite; “A Star is Born!”

Note the dates; these sentiments were being expressed 300 years ago and again prevalently in the times of each of our four con-currently working generations: The Traditionalist; Boomers; Generation X and Millennials.

Alas, this is not about our youth; it is about our entire society. We are doing this to ourselves! When wearing my hat as an expert in Generational Conflict I am fond of saying, “before we criticize the next generation we must first consider who trained (raised) them; and be nice to ourselves!” When wearing my “Consultant of Common Sense” hat I will tell you goals are necessary for social and professional progression. However, the difference is that we recognize goals are things we must set and work towards; expectations make the assumption we have already gotten there before the work is done. And often, before we even determine our realistic potential to take the journey.

We continue to do this well into our adult lives and careers. One of the most utilized yet least effective and massively destructive methods of management is the famous FALSE Deadline. A manager that utilizes FALSE Deadlines is registering a very clear vote of NO CONFIDENCE in his co-workers skill set or in the relationship they share (or in his/her ability to manage and lead!). The implication is that the work will not be done timely or of sufficient quality. As if to say; “if you don’t have enough time to do it right at least give me enough time to do it again.”

So, without further ado and in my tupically poetic style:

The Five Fables and Foibles of FALSE Expectations

Forced Action Lower’s Self Esteem

1. Fewer Alternatives, Less Sincere Effort (this is a Truth!)
(and) Forced Action Lower’s Self Esteem
• People respond best when given choice. Providing a limited number of alternatives – as apposed to one-- encourages ownership in the process and allows sincerity of effort to soar. Management by Force (implied or real) is a form of aggression playing on FEAR* and serves only to identify a victim.

2. Fast Action Leads to a Successful Endeavor
• We must learn to respond rather than react. Considered response to any situation is much better than a reactionary and reflexive reaction. When managing others the same holds true as with driving a vehicle: Without Direction Speed Kills!

3. First Alternative is Lackluster Satisfaction of Expectations (also a Truth)
• People that sense a disingenuous relationship respond with detached emotions and performance is diminished as responses are automated and robotic.

4. Failed Attempt of Leadership to Set Examples
• Leaders can suffer from lack of confidence and loss of self esteem. Times spent to nurture a leader with the subtle message; “where you lead I will follow” can go a long way to avoid this management tactic.

5. Faulty Assumption that Leaders Stimulate Effort
• Stimulation must come from within an internal belief and confidence to act! Action brings motivation, not the reverse. Leaders guide; Dictators motivate.

So, in closing, I promised Five Fables and Foibles and delivered Six! When expectations are realistic and effort is genuine goals are easily surpassed. In a trusting relationship you can promise (expect) less and deliver (receive) more!

All of this is a lesson from my AWESOME Management Theory (Acceptance, Within, Expectation(1) of Self and Others in Mutual Enthusiasm!) where the singular allowable Expectation of self is: “a genuine desire and effort to improve!” When others have expectations of you and you fail; they are upset with you. When you have expectations of yourself and you fail; YOU are upset with YOU and this can lead only into depression. Don’t do this to yourself!

FALSE Expectations in the end are FEAR based. FEAR of failure and/or loss of control. According to Neale Donald Walsch, Author of “Conversations with God”, “FEAR is an acronym in the English language for; False Evidence (Expectations—modification added by Lon Kieffer) Appearing Real.”

And finally, I hope you enjoy these FALSE-hoods but keep in mind what Mark Twain has to say; “All generalizations are false; including this one!”