Changed Ahoy!

It’s the New Year and just as I have, I’m sure many of you have decided on new changes you want for this New Year.

Whether that’s to stop smoking, to lose weight, to finally motivate yourself to do that one thing you’ve been putting off, whether it’s to find your life partner or make a million, most of us have set up something that we plan to achieve in this new year.

With the economic climate the way it is at the moment, many people have decided that saving for the future or changing lifestyle choices is something they’re going to prosper towards during this New Year.

I often ask people when they come to see me to make changes in their lives, what it is that’s been stopping them so far from getting what they want. The usual reply I get first off is that “Nothing has been stopping me”. For most people they don’t initially know what it is that’s been stopping them but we can be pretty sure that if they haven’t achieved what they want or aren’t already on their way to achieving what they want, something must be stopping them.

Now, that’s a bit of a generalisation and from experience, generalisations are usually wrong in at least one context (for example, some people didn’t know before what they wanted therefore they haven’t done the necessary to get it, but then I’d put forward that what was stopping them was a lack of knowledge) however this brings me to what I see as the real issue that stops people getting what they want.

Most people don’t know what they really want and usually aim for things they think are achievable.

Michael Neill put’s this nicely when he says:

“It’s easier to have what you really want than what you think you can get”

The issue that I’ve seen so many people faced with when it comes to New Years Resolutions is that they don’t go for the things they truly desire, they go for what they think they can achieve. As most of us are aware, going for what’s possible but not desired often leads to that same old pattern where you make promises to yourself to get stuff done, to lose weight, to stop smoking and to be an all-round nicer person giving to at least 4 charities and then…nothing.

Now I could go on from here and write about setting goals and being SMART and all these other kinds of things but personally I don’t buy into that way of thinking and working. To me it just makes sense for people to decide to do the things they really want to do and if they don’t really want to do them, then don’t. When I say this to people I usually get one of two responses. Sometimes this way of thinking is a revelation for people but more often than not, someone tries to find a counter example to this and they’ll say “Well yes, that’s all well and said, but I have to do things I don’t want to do like pay bills and feed my children” and I think it’s a fair point. When I talk about deciding to do things you want and doing them and not doing the things you don’t want, you also have to take into account at what level you’re looking at the action. It’s easy to say “I don’t want to pay my bills” but higher than that is something you do want, usually a nice place to live, a comfortable life style or to maintain your current way of living.

Since the start of the new year I’ve asked a lot of people about their resolutions, their hopes, their dreams and their directions for the new year and almost every time I’ve heard the same rote responses. When people decide what it is that’s going to make this year such an amazing time on earth for them, to me, it’s not enough to have rote responses and pre-setup failures just for the purpose of fulfilling yet another yearly self-fulfilling prophesy.

I don’t even think that goals necessarily have to be SMART or any other acronym that you might use, even thought in some contexts those models are very useful and helpful. We only went to the moon, travelled around the earth, burrowed deeply into the deepest caves and scaled the summits of the highest mountains because people had dreams, ideas, desires and attitudes that took them beyond the achievable and into the realms where humans truly excel.

So what are you going to do, adjust, not do, not adjust, dream of, not dream of, desire, not desire….this year so that your own life is more of what you want it to be? As far as I know, we’re only given one shot at this place and promising another year of “twice a week at the gym” when that’s not what you want just doesn’t cut it.

Here are some of my own desires for 2009: To become fully self employed and to see more clients for change work, To have more of the good experiences I’ve put off in the past and to make them as enjoyable as possible, To have more experiences that I never knew existed, To have more ideas and to create more of what makes me tingle, To earn loads a’ money doing things I really love doing, To have my family be more proud of me than they’ve ever been before and to enjoy the people around me even more than I do already.

I’m really looking forward to hearing what you all have planned for the New Year so please post your comments below.

Love, Jamie