Breaking Through Self-Imposed Barriers to Success

I waited patiently for the attractive woman seated before me to answer my question. Neatly groomed and well dressed, Andrea appeared every bit the successful, polished businesswoman confidently perched on an upper rung of the corporate ladder. Yet, when she did answer, her voice belied a confused frustration.

“I don’t exactly know why I’m here. I mean, I never thought I’d be retaining a business coach at this point in my career. All I can say is, I just feel stuck.” Andrea punctuated this announcement by crossing one arm over its mate and settling back into her chair.

“Congratulations,” I said, my gaze unwavering and my voice gentle, with no hint of sarcasm or condescension as I continued. “Inertia takes a great deal of energy to work against the constant motion of this ever-vibrating world in which we live. You must be very consistent.” Andrea uncrossed her arms and watched me as I explained.

“Contrary to what you may think, being stuck is really quite an active process. It means that you have been making the same choices over and over again, in order to remain precisely where you are. The key is to figure out what is keeping you from making different choices.”

This scenario is quite common. At some point in life, everyone feels stuck, and many of us make the mistake of thinking it is due to external forces or conditions. With everything from quantum mechanics and cellular biology to Ayurvedic medicine and metaphysics validating the notion that we create our own reality, it is surprising that many of us still feel victimized by the very circumstances within which we find ourselves. For things to change, we must change.

Turning a loving but critical eye inwardly takes courage. Knowing what to look for takes a strategic plan. Attending to three aspects of our inner worlds will shake loose those self-imposed barriers to success preventing us from stepping into our full power. Targeting these three areas will set us free: counterintentional behaviors, self-defeating beliefs, and feelings of unworthiness.

Counterintentional Behaviors

When we find ourselves behaving in ways that are contrary to our intentions and values, we create cognitive dissonance and emotional discomfort. In fact, the smaller the chasm between our intentions and our actions, the better our self-esteem. When we live consciously, we cannot tolerate the disparity between the intention of working out five mornings per week and the behavior of lying in bed day after day, hitting the snooze button and blowing off the gym. We must design the kind of support we need in our lives to consistently answer the following question in the affirmative: Do my actions match my words?

Self-Defeating Beliefs

Otherwise known as negative self-talk, the critical inner parent, or the harsh superego, self-defeating beliefs usually begin in childhood and, if left unchallenged, can reverberate throughout the life-span. They can be based on interpretations and conclusions we drew through the limited perspective of a child’s eyes. They can be words and actions directed toward us by parents, other adults, and other children. More often than not, they contain some sort of comparison to another and the word enough: tall enough, smart enough, man enough.

Self-defeating beliefs draw their power from the sheer number of times we have unquestioningly repeated them in our heads, unconsciously employing the Law of Attraction to solidify them even further. A belief is merely a thought that has habituated over time. Every time we limit ourselves with a self-defeating belief, we actually reinforce a specific interference in our own success.

The good news is that whatever we learn, we can unlearn. As we live more consciously, we can identify self-defeating thoughts, disprove them at a rational level, and develop the new habit of a more positive, self-affirming cognition. As we break the pattern, in time, we simply don’t feel the same way about ourselves.

Feelings of Unworthiness

The difference between worthlessness and unworthiness is not merely semantic. In my 25 years of practice, I can honestly say that I have never known anyone to feel completely worthless. However, I have worked with quite a few people who are fairly successful but who stop their forward progression just short of achievement. It’s amazing how skillful they are at teetering on the tightrope of never failing, but never really succeeding either.

I have also worked with others who, as they become more and more successful, amassing larger and larger fortunes and realizing more and more of their dreams, begin to feel unworthy of such great prosperity. They seem to illustrate the adage “be careful what you wish for.”

If they head in a negative direction, they begin to self-sabotage in obvious ways, such as excessive spending or other excessive hedonistic pursuits, and in subtle ways, such as questioning or testing the love and loyalty of those closest to them. It is as though they have a thermostatic set point for the level of success they can tolerate, and they begin to turn down the heat rather than step up to greatness.

Those who head in a positive direction develop a healthy humility and a sense of deep gratitude regarding their accomplishments. Greater purpose, philanthropic endeavors, and considerations of meaningful legacy occupy the space previously held by concerns about worthiness. Ego and its fear-based defenses give way to a deeper understanding of one’s place in the larger scheme of universal order.

In an abundant world the only real barriers to success are self-imposed. If we are the ones who put up the roadblocks, we can also remove them. It is simply a matter of deciding: deciding to live consciously, look inwardly, identify cognitive patterns we wish to change, and persevere through the transition of replacing old thoughts with new ones until the latter become habits. It is about designing the kind of support systems we need to help us through this lifelong process. And it is about closing the gap between our words and our actions, our intentions and our behaviors. We are the creators of our own reality, and everything that comesto us does so by virtue of that to which we have given our attention. The choice is ours: to live with deliberate clarity, or unconsciously by default.

** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life”, visit http://www.selfgrowth.com/greatways2.html.