Basic Beliefs that Block Success

Basic Beliefs that Block Success
By
Bill Cottringer

“It is my belief, you cannot deal with the most serious things in the world unless you understand the most amusing.” ~Winston Churchill.

Sara is a very positive thinker, John is as smart as a whip and they are both very happy and successful. But, there is always the “rest of the story.” The rest of the story for John and Sara involves the personal challenges of courage that were part of the painful changing process of basic beliefs. Of course you have to add to that the uncomfortable certainty that this work is never done. Things always seem to come back to have a second go at you, and maybe more, depending upon how stubborn and resistive you are.

We all get shackled with faulty basic beliefs that hold us back in the survival phase of our success quest and then we get to endure a second round when we progress to the thriving mode of success. And these beliefs are never easy to expose and correct to be more useful and productive in helping us move forward rather than stand still, sink or fall backwards.

Beliefs are very difficult to access or understand. This is because they are tightly wrapped thoughts and feelings about the assumed truth of something we personally “know,” based on some point along a continuum from proof positive with hard evidence (or confidence in a reliable source), to pure, unsubstantiated faith. And these beliefs are likely to be stored deep-down in either the unconscious mind or the heart’s memory bank, depending upon whether you are mostly thinking or feeling person. (Don’t ask me where they reside if you are a whole-brained person!)

Trying to articulate these beliefs to ourselves well enough to understand them and then communicate them to others with any degree of accuracy and completeness, becomes a nearly impossible task. No small wonder disagreements about beliefs and their “rightness” or “wrongness” start wars and have an unhappy ending in maiming and death.

Here are four very basic beliefs that have always amused me as the laughing dinosaur termites to my own success path and I suspect they may not be so uncommon:

1. You Can’t Have Your Cake And It Too. The truth is you can have your cake and eat it too and figuring out how to is required to pass even a survival success test. This paradox is the mother of all paradoxes and solving it makes dealing with all the others very easy. I am not giving away hard earned secrets free here, but I can offer some clues. One important clue in solving paradoxes is not allowing yourself to be held hostage by the common, literal interpretation of the words. Another clue in resolving impossible either-or, win-lose dilemmas is to change the perspective to a win-win, and-and one. My final clue is: The best way to get to the finish line quicker is to run faster and bring the finish line closer, both at the same time, working both ends of the stick to get to the middle.

2. Be Realistic. Maybe this idea is generally appealing, but sound research says people who lean towards being optimistic and hopeful about both good and bad events, live longer, have fewer physical symptoms, make more money, are in more satisfying marriages and report more happiness than their counterparts. That is enough proof for me to have that particular belief. But I know it isn’t always easy, especially when things aren’t going so well—like when you are going through a period of unemployment, having money problems, facing a pending divorce, suffering from excruciating physical pain, trying to adapt to the sudden death of a loved one or having a child in trouble with the law. You can rarely see the light at the end of these dark tunnels but if there ever is a time to be optimistic, it is then. That way the light will get brighter and you can find your way out of the dark tunnel better.

3. Balance Makes The Most Sense. Again, this may be a very appealing perspective in most situations. After all, temperance and moderation are commonly accepted virtues. But anything, including balance, when take to the extreme, can lead to unexpected problems. And, there are some things in life that really do deserve your unbridled response of closing your eyes, holding your breath, jumping in with all fours and never looking back. I think I remember a story in the Bible about some lady looking back and being turned to a pillar of salt, which wouldn’t appeal to me very much. Finally, being balanced between optimism and pessimism would be realistic and we have already seen what that belief can rob you of.

4. Better Safe Than Sorry. This was a hard one for me to change because it is the cornerstone of a career in security that I have invested four decades of my life towards doing well in. But maybe that is the whole point—all these four beliefs have a lot to do with trying to avoid insecurity, which may be impossible so why fool yourself? Interesting research with 95+ year olds reveals that most of them openly wished they had taken more chances in life. It is well established that the happiest people in life are the ones who take the most chances. Sure, they encounter dreadful failures and pains, but the successes and joys afterwards are often unstoppable.

You have to work hard at being happy and successful and anyone offering shortcuts is not a true friend or qualified professional. And the hardest work is often in understanding the basic beliefs you hold as true which are in the way of progress and need changing. What are the basic beliefs that are holding you back from passing the survival success test? What may be coming around a second time to keep you from thriving and enjoying the great abundance you deserve in fulfilling your potential?