Are You Ready for Marriage? - 7 Questions to Consider

Here are 7 questions to help you and your partner determine if you are ready for a lifetime commitment together. Some of these questions are about you as an individual. Others are about you as a couple. All of them can give you a clue towards your readiness for a decision that will absolutely change your life forever.

Do you have a “We” vs “Me” mentality?

When you think about your future and picture the things you will have and do, is your partner there? If you think through your future and your partner has a place therein, then you are engaged in a “we” mentality. Many people get married while still thinking of only themselves in their future. Then, when the future becomes the present, and it doesn’t match the vision they developed of what it would be like, they find themselves disappointed and unhappy.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” If you aren’t ready to “share” your future tomorrow, then you may not be ready for marriage today.

Are you a grown up or a big kid?

The time to consider if you are too young to be married and have a child is NOT when you are married with a child. Yet, that’s what happens to thousands of couples. Marriage and any other form of life long partnership is adult business. Your priorities have to change from supporting yourself to supporting the marriage. Your desire for stability in the relationship and in your financial plans for the future must take precedence over your desires for the latest gadgets, games and fads. The responsibility you have for your partner and children must take priority over your responsibility to your hang out nights with friends and social activities.

There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you aren’t ready to take on the responsibility of another. It doesn’t make you bad or wrong. However, if you don’t recognize it, and you choose to marry someone who is ready for that responsibility, there will be problems in your relationship. Even worse, if you marry someone that is also in big kid mode, chaos will ensue like a car on the highway with no one behind the steering wheel.

Is your partner your perfect match or Is There Someone Better Out There Somewhere?

If you settle now, there is a good chance that you may end up settling in court. Know in your heart and mind that your partner is your perfect match. If you don’t and you choose to get married anyway, you will continue to notice and move towards people who may be better. This will manifest itself in ways you can probably and none of those ways are good for the relationship. Wait for your perfect match.

This doesn’t mean you need a perfect person…there is no such thing. However, there is a perfect match out there for you. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. When you settle, it’s because you value being married to someone over being married to “the right one”. This is rooted in the fear that your “one” will never come. Patience! There IS someone for everyone. Your perfect match will find you. There is an old saying: “When the flower is ready, the bees will come”.

Do you know or do you have to be convinced?

If you have to be convinced to get married, then you aren’t ready. You have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are ready to remain with your partner for the rest of your life. If “the rest of your life” is too hard to fathom, think about being with your partner for 80 years. Are you ready for that commitment?

Your heart and your mind have to be in agreement. If your heart says yes and your mind says no, then you aren’t settled in the marriage decision yet. The same is true if your mind says yes and your heart says no. There my be something unresolved in your mind or emotions or you may be sensing something that you shouldn’t ignore. Know for sure that you are ready.

Are you comfortable with how you disagree?

Getting along in a marriage is simple when there are no problems or issues. However, every relationship experiences disagreements and challenges. You have to expect that at some point, you or your partner will do something that will cause a disagreement or an upset. Are you comfortable with how you two disagree?

If one of you is a crier and the other is a screamer, you’ll have a problem. If one of you is logical and the other says very disrespectful things, you’ll have a problem. If one of you is afraid of what the other will do when they are angry, then you may not be ready yet. Being compatible in disagreement is just as important as being compatible in how you love each other…in fact, it is a part of how you love each other. You don’t have to break up to make up to enjoy the make up part!

Are your lifestyle choices in line?

Children, where to live, to buy or to rent a house, and whether or not your parents will be moving in as they age are all lifestyle choices you’ll need to make. Have you discussed them? Are you seeing eye to eye on them? As an example, if one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, don’t assume that you’ll be able to convince the other to change later. Many divorces happen over that topic alone.

Make sure you fully discuss and agree on how you see your future together. Things like children and location of residence can be relationship killers. Resolve them before you say “I Do” or later you may be saying, “I’m done”.

Are your ideas of married life and spousal roles the same?

There was a couple that lived together happily for 15 years, got married, and then divorced after 1 year of marriage. What happened? When they married, they had different expectations of each other as a spouse than when they were living together. Neither informed the other that they were expected to be somehow different. So, when each didn’t live up to the other’s expectations, there was anger, frustration, confusion, and blame….the perfect storm.

If you have differing opinions of what a wife, husband or life partner is and you decide to get married or commit for a lifetime anyway, you are asking for issues. If you don’t even discuss it, you may be setting yourself up for failure or a lifetime of unhappiness. Work these things out first. Get on the same page since you are committing to the same marriage.

Summary

Marriage and lifetime commitments are too serious to not take them seriously. It takes more than love to live a life of happiness with someone. The difference between happiness and misery can be readiness and communication before the wedding. The key to remaining happy afterwards is compromise, forgiveness, and partnership.