Act Two The Play Of Life

Are We Aging or Just Beginning the Next Act in Our Play of Life

At age 50, Jane Fonda said, “I’m not getting old I’m just starting Act III in a beautiful love story with myself and its future”. Unfortunately most of us feel we are stage left 15 rows back, sitting directly behind someone who won’t sit still and in front of someone who won’t shut up. It’s all in the perspective. As we age we can either decide to embrace and acknowledge the wonderful (sometime painful) experiences or dwell on them. That, my friend, is the difference between why one person looks forward to and another fears the future

Here is a way to look at aging with a positive perspective. Getting older is the “Antagonist” in our lives. We can’t run and around, jumping and playing with small children like we could in our twenties, and we can’t party the same way. There are less available partner options, and more doctor check ups. It’s very easy to see these circumstances as bad things, wrong happenings, or imperfections. It’s also a wonderful breeding ground for self doubt. Now, consider this perspective: Aging and its effects are the Antagonists in our lives. They are there to try to interfere with the good in our lives. They are there to provoke us, and challenge us. Contrary to what it may seem, the Antagonist is always the catalyst for change and further growth. So, let’s embrace it and let go of what we can’t do and concentrate on all that we can do. Oprah recently had this to say about turning 50, “I was just smoking in my 40s, I’m going to be on fire in my 50s!” Now that’s a great perspective.

For instance, I bet you have more money, a home, and a nicer car now than you did in your twenties. And, I bet anything you are much wiser, smarter and confident. Take advantage of that! Aging isn’t a negative. It’s a time for reflection and a time to examine where you are in life, and determine whether you want to make a positive change so that your next Act will be your own love story with yourself. Here’s my story.

I used to get up every day, put on my stuffy business suit, face the traffic, and head in to thick of gray a cubicle. Although my cubicles got larger, and eventually turned into corner offices, it drove me crazy that he/she was able miss work to see the kids’ school play or stay home with their sick child but God forbid I take my little precious baby girl, Jordan, to the Vet. I’d sit, begging the clock to move forward so I could get out and on to Blake’s (the local hot Gay hangout) to bask in my “real” world of truth and life. I was subjected to office functions where prizes were awarded for wedding engagements, recent child births, and longest marriages, while my long term relationship was hidden under the Mac lipstick and Clinque compact in my Kate Spade purse or in a folder password locked on my laptop.

Oh, let me not forget the dreaded Monday morning staff meetings when Mr. Director would look immediately at me and say, “So, Sandy, what did you do this weekend?” Stunned and stumped, I flashback to the all-day Sunday brunch where Mr. Director’s homophobic demeanor would never be accepted. Not only hiding my true identity made my corporate career stressful. It was also the meetings, just to have a meeting, the cutthroat challenges between co-workers (yes, Omarosa does exist), but mainly, it was that someone else was controlling my future, not me.

But then my life transformed drastically. While spending years living this false dream in corporate America, I made my way up the ladder in marketing and promotions for some of the largest companies in the world. I was living in Midtown Atlanta and friends perceived me as the jet setting career woman: nice house, expensive car, and an attitude to go along with it all. Then, on September 11, 2001, I set out to make my bi-weekly trip to New York City, and as with many, life changed for me. It’s sad but true that it takes a tragedy to fix tragedies within us. I also knew that age 40 was approaching soon and I didn’t want to be “40” and in the same mental tragedy that I was at 30. So, In the next six months following 9-11, I left my position as senior marketing manager for an extremely large package goods company, moved back to my roots in Central Florida, and started planning my Act II. I realized what my true passions were, and that I only have (snap!) today to live my true dream.

I share all this with you because as I watch several friends making similar changes. It’s clear we are in the beginning of a new era. Since 9-11, Americans definitely have changed; we are beginning to care more about our happiness and our purpose. DYG Scan a consumer research firm states that “there is an influx of tribalized individualism. . . .People are trying to find significance by being a unique asset within a larger group. There is a serious focus on having a valuable life.” Does this sound like you? Or, are you staying stuck resisting change? Are you thinking that you are getting too old to take risk? What does your life’s investment portfolio look like; are you small and stable, aggressive or a growth and trust fund?

Something that I think helps Gay and Lesbians take risk and find their career/life passions is the lack of responsibility we have for others as opposed to our straight counterparts. A friend of mine finally decided to leave an unpleasant but lucrative position with Viacom after her male co-worker said, “If I didn’t have three kids to put through college in the next five years, I’d….”. That’s all it took. She knew she really had no excuses. She is now a real estate agent and building her own (physically)cabin in the Smokey mountains.

Now I am certainly not encouraging anyone to go quit his or her job. I do believe however, that for each of us to leap into the next Act in life, we must know whether we are on the right path. We have our futures by the hand. You can let it lead you or you can lead it. What does your Act II, or III play of life look like? Go make it whatever you want it to be?

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