5 Ways to Stay Connected with the One You Love in Times of Stress

We've all had stressful times in our lives-- some of us seem to have more frequent stress and upheaval than others. And if you've been in the middle of a stressful period, you probably know that being under pressure can have detrimental effects on your love relationship. This is the time that you really want to be supported by your partner and, in turn, offer support. But when one or both of you are off balance, supporting one another can seem difficult.

By keeping your head and heart as clear as possible, you can stay connected with your love during stressful times.

A changing or uncertain employment issue could be precipitating the strain you feel. Or perhaps one of you is experiencing health challenges. It could be that relations with extended family or close friends are stirring up your normally even-keeled lives. A myriad of reasons which could span back to your own childhood can be causing upheaval in your life.

Now is the time when you may want to really feel the presence of your partner and be reminded that you are not alone. Even if you are called to go within more than usual to sort through difficulties, you may still feel reassured knowing that when you do want to feel your partner's support, it will be easily available.

Unfortunately, as much as both you and your partner may want that reminder that you are together in whatever difficult times arise, the ways that you both deal with stress can drive a wedge between you two. You may find yourself losing your patience and temper quicker when under strain. Even though you don't mean to, you could even see yourself blaming your partner for circumstances beyond either of your abilities to control.

Try these 5 ways to stay connected.....

#1: Keep communicating.
This is a seemingly obvious way to stay connected with you or your partner are under strain. Though, as you may already know, it's not always easy to do! When you do communicate with your partner and either or both of you are stressed out, do whatever it takes to stay open. This applies when it comes to sharing how you feel and when listening to your love's feelings.

If you or your partner starts to close down, communication will not help you stay connected. You may choose to pause the conversation if one of you feels defensive or begins to withdraw emotionally. To notice when this is happening, stay tuned in to yourself. If you suspect that your partner is closing down to you, do not accuse him or her of doing so, but ask about feelings. You might share that you sense a distance between the two of you, indicate that you would like to talk when you are both feeling more open and ask if your partner would like to take a short break from the talk and then return in a specified amount of time. Or perhaps there is a shift in the way you are communicating that would be helpful to your mate.

#2: Be responsible for your feelings.
Touch in with how you are feeling regularly during stressful periods (and also when things aren't so difficult). Take responsibility for how your own emotions and soothe yourself first before trying to connect with your partner. If you are relying on him or her to make it all better for you, that is unfair pressure and will probably not help the situation. Instead, process what may be coming up for you and then go to your love with any requests for support that you may have. This can help you to not 'take it out' on your mate.

Remember, making a request to be supported, whatever form that support takes (advice, a hug, listening, backing you up in a conflict, etc.), is different than asking your partner to resolve how you are feeling for you. As much as your partner loves you and may even want to be able to do this, he or she truly cannot. Only you can do this for yourself.

#3: Nurture yourself.
Just as we recommend that you take responsibility for how you are feeling, we also suggest that you practice nurturing yourself. Can you be nurtured by another person-- especially one you love deeply? Of course. But if you are primarily or only relying on your partner for nurturing, this is not only unfair to him or her, but it is probably not going to fully satisfy you. You know best how you want to be nurtured at this moment. Give that to yourself and then see if your love wants to join in a nurturing activity so that you can enjoy the soothing together.

#4: Maintain activities that keep you close.
Try to keep doing the things that you two tend to do to stay close. Depending on the circumstances, it may be difficult to go out for date nights or whatever it is you and your partner regularly do to stay connected. Find at least one commonly-occurring connecting activity that seems doable and set an intention to maintain that part of your relationship routine. This might involve lovemaking or it could be something as mundane as walking the dog together every night. Be as present as you can and soak in the good feelings of engaging with one another.

#5: Lighten up whenever you can.
Don't forget to laugh. Or at least smile. Sometimes stressful times can seem to erase our abilities to lighten up and open wide to the joyful moments in life. While there may be more occasions to make serious decisions right now, always be on the lookout for potential instances of levity. Watch a comedic movie with your love or let it all out and act silly for just a few minutes.

Stress happens to us all. It doesn't have to drive a wedge between you and your love. You can enjoy one another, feel supported, and offer support all the while strengthening and deepening your connection.