5 Great Ways to Handle Change

IF you feel, or believe, that your life is in such an impossible state that there is no way you can move forward from it,(without it being ovewhelmingly painful or catastrophic), take heart. It's just these kind of circumstances that often give rise to major growth. But in order to do that, you might well benefit from some positive guide lines that can help you to navigate the hard times without collapsing into fear, defensiveness or other ways of being. It's important to grow in ways that do not recreate the unwanted circumstances you're experiencing now.

I would like to offer you some guidance that has helped me to overcome adversity and create a new and thrilling life from the ashes of the old. First and foremost, I have a personal belief that 'where there is an 'in', there is an 'out'. In other words, if you have reached 'this' place, you can also leave it. The question arises, how to leave it and where to go next ? Sometimes, when your life is in turmoil, you just don't have the answers right there and then. In fact, staying in a hard place often seems just 'easier' than taking steps to move on so, to help you get started on this path, here are my 5 tried, tested and trusted tips:-

1.Assess your situation calmly. For instance, you are in a job that no longer serves you. You have dependents or financial commitments, and you don't know what else you could do to support them. You may need to assess your financial situation carefully and discuss with your partner (if applicable) how you could work your way forward so that you could (for instance) take a sabbatical/share financial burdens differently for a period of time.
Ask others – especially those closest to you, for ideas and support while you figure things out.
Get support. If you find you are in a situation which is potentially dangerous to your health or safety – for instance, drug or substance abuse, living with a violent partner,suffering from depression or ill-health,– then don't hesitate. Enlist help from any one of a number of heart-centred organisations that exist to help you.

2.List all the emotions you experience around the idea of change. You may well be surprised how many different emotions you can experience even in a few hours. When you have listed your emotions, just read through them as though each of them was a useful piece of information. For instance, you may notice a churning sense of fear when you consider leaving a relationship. The usefulness of this might be you notice you are scared of being alone. You can mentor yourself by saying “I know that being on my own may be difficult, but I also know I would love to try it. I am sure that I can cope and even if there are times when I am lonely, I am resourceful enough to figure out ways of making new friends, or finding a new partner in time.”

3. In order to help you get clear about your next steps, you could employ a career guidance professional or personal coach. You could start journalling regularly or simply take some quiet time to recall the dreams and desires you have always had. If you already know what it is you would rather be doing, then find a way to start that, even if it is as a hobby, a part-time job or volunteering. This way, you are making a safe bridge for yourself and also opening up new opportunities for the future.

4.Times of change can bring about crises in health so take pre-emptive steps to be well. Make sure your diet and lifestyle are as balanced as you can make them. For instance, avoid or limit alchohol. Make sure you are taking enough exercise and perhaps start something new, like Chi Gung, Yoga or walking outdoors. Ensure your sleep is regular and of a good quality and that you have enough 'quiet time'. A regular meditation practice will help you to stay calm and monitor your own inner processes and needs.

5. Generate positive meaning. By that I mean – listen carefully to the stories you tell. If you hear yourself thinking, or saying' “This always happens to me” “I wasn't born to be happy” “Life is unfair” “I never get to do what I like” or similar phrases, take a deep breath and STOP. These phrases spring from a story that you are telling yourself and it is not a story that is generating positive meaning for you. In other words, you are not helping yourself. Here's what to do. Consider what kind of story would have be underneath your beliefs. For instance, “This always happens to me” might be from a story about “ I always mess up”. “Life is unfair” might be from a story about “I wasn't born to have good things happen, life doesn't like me”. Now ask yourself, is this really, really true. Does “life” hate you” Do you always “mess up”?. Is it true for everyone you know? Is it really, deeply, the truth about you? So next time a situation arises that discourages you, ask yourself this question: “If I were a succesful happy person, how would I respond to this situation?”.

Change is an inevitable process in living: reaching out towards it with some useful tools and accepting is will serve you - and your loved ones – much better than digging in and trying to avoid it. Life is a journey after all, and it's always going to be up to you to decide where you go next. Enjoy!