3 Steps to Light Up Your Love Life

Agree to agree! We have all heard the saying that if you want to have a happy, harmonious relationship, you sometimes have to agree to disagree. Standing your ground and demanding that you're right may feel all righteous and satisfying, but it's a sure-fire way to eliminate intimacy. Let's go a step further. How about agreeing to agree?

Every one of us tends to get caught up in the details of our lives, often to the point that we isolate ourselves from the people we love. We don't do it intentionally; it just happens to busy people. What we need to do is to intentionally immerse ourselves in our partner's life, by bringing that partner back to the forefront of our own life. And how do you do that? Simple. You just decide to make your relationship a priority, and take it off the back burner.

You know the kind of things that you and your partner like to do. Do them. Start off small if you need to. Agree to a date. The act of saying yes to a good time is a true natural aphrodisiac. Generally when someone says no to you, it's not you they are saying no to, it's the offer. More than likely, it's not even the offer so much as the fear of losing time they think they need to spend on something "important." That "something important" could be any number of things, like completing a work project, tending to the kids' needs , or juggling your finances to get you through that other recession. Let your partner know that your relationship is the most important thing to you, and chances are that he or she will realize how important it is to you, and take steps to make it better. Work together to take care of whatever is preoccupying your minds, and the initial negative response to your offer can become a yes to a good time.

Take turns! For example, if you like romantic dinners and he likes fast food, each of you deserves a turn to get your preference. So on one night, go out to a romantic dinner and on another night, do fast food. And even when you're being magnanimous and giving your partner his preference, do your best to share his enjoyment, rather than reminding him just how nice you're being by letting him have his burger and fries. If you'll each share in each other's delights, you just might find even a trip to the burger place delightful.

At the very least, you'll both revel in the delights of each other's company.

One couple shared with me that when they were planning their vacation, he wanted to stay in an upscale hotel, while she wanted to stay in a cozy place that cost less. Instead of arguing about it, they agreed to stay in the upscale place for three days and the "budget" hotel for the other three days. The goal was for each to have what they wanted and to enjoy being with each other. Perhaps she had to get over seeing him as a spendthrift, while he had to put aside his image of her being a tightwad. Once they got past the cost issue, they were both able to enjoy the entire vacation (and each other).

Another idea is for each of you plan what you think would be an ideal sex date. The idea is for the other person to just accept the plans and go along for a pleasurable ride. Even if the plan doesn't sound like an ideal date to you, just show up enthusiastically and give it a chance. Who knows... you might just find that something that didn't sound like fun turns out to be the best time you've had in years.

I don't want you to get the idea that you have to spend a lot of money to have a great sex date, though. There are lots of little things you can do right in your own home to spice things up. For example, try turning your bedroom into a hotel room. Take out the light bulb and replace it with a sensual red one, and have a tray in the room with each other's five favorite taste treats. Just like in the movie 9 - 1/2½ Weeks, instead of sitting on the kitchen floor eating a sensual repast, try feeding each other tasty morsels while sitting on your bed (you can clean up the crumbs afterwards). Use your imagination, offering each other a taste of your favorite foods and drinks. Go all out and place a rose on the pillow alongside a piece of decadent chocolate, just like they do in the finest hotels. Play some of your favorite music to complete the effect, and trust me, the night will be yours, and it will be memorable.

Just say YES! We all have an infinite supply of excuses for not having sex. I have a headache. I am too tired. I don't feel like it. I feel bad about myself. I'm worried about (the kids, our taxes, the mortgage, the car, my job... the list is endless). Guess what?

Excuses are like opinions. We all have them, and yes, they all stink. Instead of coming up with excuses not to have sex, try coming up with reasons to have sex. There are plenty, and they're all compelling. It feels really good. It relieves stress. It relaxes you. It's the one intimate act that is only for the two of you, and forms the very core of your "couple" time. You get the point. Need more reasons? Make your own list. I'll bet it will be even longer than my list.

Of course, the sex needs to be good for both of you (see #2, above!). You know how good it feels to be touched and held. Well, it feels just as good to your partner, so return the favors that you enjoy so much. Think of it not as some kind of chore, but rather as an investment in good loving. I guarantee, it's one investment that's sure to pay off!