3 Simple Steps to Ask for What You Need in Your Relationship – and Get It!

It would be impossible for me to tell you how many times I have heard someone say: “I shouldn't have to ask for “it” (whatever “it” might be) from his or her partner. If my partner really loved me, he/she would know what I want.” And I often find myself replying: “Oh really, so your partner is a mind reader? Amazing.” Response: “Come on Dr. Patty Ann, you know what I mean, if he/she really knew me they would know what I want. I shouldn't have to ask for it.” My brilliant reply is quite simple: “You could not be more wrong!”

No matter how many years you have known your partner, no matter how much a couple might love each other, nobody is a mind reader. We really do need to ask for what we want and what we need. It doesn't matter if we desire something money can buy such as emotional support, or if we do desire a luxury that costs money. If you want something in your relationship (just like everything else in life) you have to ask for it. You increase your chances a hundred times over for getting what you want if you ask for it. This is true with our jobs, with our friends and with our intimate relationships too.

Below are 3 simple steps to ask for what you want and need from your partner so you can get it!

1st Simple Step: Write what you want and/or need down on a piece of paper. This simple act of writing will help you process your thoughts so you can clearly communicate your desire to your spouse when you feel ready to ask for what you want and need.

2nd Simple Step: When communicating, speak clearly & be very specific by asking for exactly what you want and need. There is no room for any communication that goes something like this: “You know, uh, sortofkindof, um, something like.” Okay, you get it?

3rd Simple Step: Use a positive approach when making your request. Do not threaten or accuse your partner of not caring about you because you have to go through “all this trouble” of asking for something. This approach will get you nowhere except maybe headed for a fight. Use the same negotiation skills you use with other people, such as your boss and/or co-workers to get what you want, and apply them to your relationship.

Remember, our partner cannot read our minds. Ask and you shall receive!