Are you struggling with Christian codependency? If you answered yes, then you probably experience feeling guilty often in your relationships. Codependents struggle with guilt in relationships because they hold untrue beliefs about relationships. They need to change their inaccurate beliefs about relationships to the following true beliefs:
- You are not responsible for other people; you are responsible for yourself. You cannot prevent the people you love from experiencing the pain of their actions. God wants to use consequences to encourage them to change their behavior (Galatians 6:7-8). All of us will experience pain. Pain helps us grow. Each person has the right and dignity to choose how to live his/her life.
- You don't have to meet the demands of the people in your life-no matter how close they are to you. The more a person pushes you to do what he/she wants and the more guilt, anger, threats, pouting, and pressure thrown at you, the greater the emotional manipulation. Shift your guilt into recognizing that it is wrong to give into manipulation and that God wants you to be shrewd and aware of people's motives (Matthew 10:16).
- You don't have to sacrifice for others unless you choose to (2 Corinthians 9:7). You not only have the right to say no, you have the responsibility to say no when you mean no and only say yes when you mean yes (Matthew 5:37). You need to have boundaries that protect your time, energy, emotions, and resources because they are yours to manage.
- God will hold you accountable for the choices you make not the choices others make. Jesus let the rich young ruler inquiring about eternal life walk away without making a commitment, even though he knew the man would be going to hell (Luke 18:18-23) . God recognizes personal choice and accountability and gives people the dignity and right to decide for themselves.
God uses guilt to help us identify when we have truly done wrong. Christian codependency leads us to feel that we've done wrong when we haven't. Changing your beliefs allows you to let go of false guilt by identifying what your responsibilities to other people are and what they are not.
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Karla Downing is an author, speaker, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Bible study teacher. Karla's passion is to help people find freedom in Christ in the midst of their difficult relationships and circumstances through Biblical truths and practical tools.