I had a client the other day that was feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and experienced a need to have all details taken care of and everything in its place. That worked for her when she didn't have any children, and when she was just taking care of her husband, her home and worked full time. Now she has two young children with the husband, home, property, and works full time. She had decided to build an above ground pool and finish her basement in this past year and now was feeling overwhlemed. She doesn't like to owe money, and doesn't like to lose control.
We all know it is hard to work full time and keep up a home. We know it is hard to maintain a good marriage and keep a home and work full time. Now, add two young children to the mix with the need to have everything under control. Yes, this client is anxious. Where does this overwhelm and need come from? Whose feelings is she carrying? Whose life fell apart when she was young?
When she was very young, her mother and father broke up and her father left the family to go to another woman. Her mother was devastated and didn't feel good enough. Her mother felt she couldn't control things and became overwhelmed with two small children to raise. This young woman, then a little girl, stepped in to help her mother. With her stepping in, she als felt her mother's feelings. The two married inside her. Now she has two small children, and her oldest is the age she was shen her father left her. Her old trauma came back to her but without words because she didn't have the language at the time when she was so young. So she needs to control, and feels overwhelmed; just like her mother did. These types of things happen to all of us. Trauma, unresolved, lives inside of us in some way until something happens to trigger it.
What I do is to help you to see where the trauma comes from, to help you see the old picture in a new way, to bring back in the missing person; here the father, and to bring words to you where you didn't have any previously.
Somehwere inside of you your body knows what happened. The key is to unlock the language and the messages from the body so you can begin to make conscious what before lived quietly and unconsciously inside of you.
Recently this woman visited her biological father for the first time since he left. She told me she now felt complete. Before she didn't even know she didn't feel complete. Now she can breathe more fully and just feels at ease inside of herself.
Dr. Gail Cloud is a Chiropractic physician and family systems facilitator in the work of Family Constellations. She travels around the United States facilitating workshops and trainings and is the founder of The Know Factor; know your body, know yourself.