If you want to lead your life peacefully, and let the anxieties not come to you, you must act like a ‘Filter’ not a ‘Sponge’. Do you know that your daily mood depends on what you talk to others and what the others talk to you? If you want to know, what motives are there, behind your good or bad moods, you should account for the converse, which takes place as daily basis with your colleagues, your family members, your enemies or with any other to whom you interact in your daily life. These discourses determine your mood. There is no exception in it. The way some body treats you, the way you treat others, all come together to form a mood for you in which you are bond to live in that very day.
People mostly, never do care for others. They never take pain to think how their words affect others. They will not regard you as they regard their near and dear. So in order to achieve a sound and profound state of mind, you must not take effect of all the things happening against you. You have to become a ‘Filter’ not a ‘Sponge’. A filter, never allows everything to come inside, rather than it takes some and rejects others that is not acceptable in a system. A sponge sucks everything and let them all come in. If you are a sponge, you are not successful. It means you are too sensitive and you come up on everything that happens around you. You take effects of every word, which others tell you.
The type of sensitivity is dangerous, and it may lead you to the emotional disorder, where things will be worsening and you may lose you balance forever. Therefore, in order to become a balanced personality, avoid unnecessary tensions and must act as a filter. Becoming a filter means to become a guarded and a protected personality. If you are a ‘Filter’, you can win the world. The world will be yours. If you are a ‘Sponge’, you will fail, and you will never grow much higher. Failure will be always ahead of you. It will happen to you definitely. If you are a ‘sponge’, you are just like a moving grave. No psychologist can cure you easily, until he succeeds to make you a ‘Filter’, where not everything can enter within you.
If you want yourself to become tolerant and condemnation resistant, become a ‘Filter’, and to become a ‘Filter’ you have to do many things. The first and most important thing is to have a clear vision of your own goal. If your goal is clear, you are not a confused man. Once your goal is clear you have to keep it in your mind at every sphere of your life. When talking to your child keep remember your goal at once. When talking to your colleague, the most important thing is to keep on your goal remembering. Everywhere your goal should be at your heels. The person who is always at his goal with a clear vision is more tolerant than others. The clear vision of the goal and purposefulness will help you in becoming a ‘Filter’.
It will be easy for you to reject things that are not up to your goal.
In the light of this idea, you can easily judge the importance of the comments that is passed on you. If you will find someone talking to you in a wrong way, you will never take it up, because you will think that it is not useful for you. Why do you bother for things that are unreal and meaningless to your goal? The more your vision for your future will be clear the more you will act like a ‘Filter’ for those who intend to harm you. Apparently, their collusion will not reach you. Therefore, the clear vision for the goal is itself a ‘Filter’, which stops much of the speeches to enter your mind.
The second art to become a filter is to trust on your own self. If you trust on your own, you cannot easily accept suggestions. Even the others will be losing theirs, you will keep yourself calm and quite. The more there will be a clear vision of the goal, the more you will be able to judge your action, whether it has been taken in the interest of the vision or not. If your decisions are favourable to your vision, you will be automatically confident and become self-reliant. When you will be a self-reliant person, you will be able to act as a filter for others and can easily filter things and comments. By this time, you will be able to accept things that are favourable to you, and can easily reject the ideas that are not suitable.
The third thing, which will help you to become a filter, is to make yourself more knowledgeable, informed and well acquainted for all related topics. If you will continue your study on the subjects whom you have to discuss with your colleagues, you will be a strong ‘Filter’. A knowledgeable person never becomes a ‘Sponge’. Knowledge and information is power. Therefore, if you have much information on the subject undergoing for discussion, you are a strong man in the meeting or elsewhere in the life. Try to collect all relative informations on any of the specific topics, which you have to discuss with your colleagues. It is a power. Once you succeed to get the power you will automatically become a ‘Filter’, then nobody can emotionally hurt you. The people who are always keen in collecting informations are always sound and confident in their attitude.
A little bit of a humor will also help you in becoming a ‘Filter’. Humor can create a big defense system in your personality that will always protect you from unpleasant effects. A little bit of humor is your inside aspect which will emerge in a satiric mood and let you become a defensive field for all sorts of emotional attacks. Through a profound bit of humor, you will be able to defend many major attacks to which you need many more things to turn off. The humankind lacks to understand the worth of the humorous sense. If you feel that you are going to face opposition or some people who will definitely crush your idea, wrap your inner self with a humorous mood, but never let others feel. Enjoy the humor in your inside. Not let it come to others. Answer the questions in a cool slight humorous mood that others cannot feel. You will be a person who will enjoy the situation most. The fear will turn off and you will keep up yourself smiling up on the way people behave.
To become harsh, abrupt and blunt is very bad. But to become over-sensitive is too bad. Over sensitivity is the precondition of madness. So, a balanced personality will neither appear as harsh and blunt nor will it appear as an oversensitive. Oversensitivity is like a ‘sponge’ and harshness and bluntness is like a metal sheet through which nothing will pass, but firmness with flexibility is like a ‘Filter’ which accepts some and rejects a few. When you feel yourself emerging as a ‘Filter’, not accepting every comments or suggestions which others pass on you, you will surely live a happy life. You can emerge as a winning leader in all situations. You can draw your own lines. You will be capable to lead others towards your goal. Ultimately the earth will be yours.
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Dr.Equbal Wajid is a moral counsellor from India. He is a behaviourist, an essayist, a poet, as well as a critic of literaturre. He has worked as an associate to the renowned Psychologist Padamshree Dr.Syed Hasan M.S. & PhD in Education from United States of America who has been an official nominee for the NOBLE PEACE PRIZE from India.
Dr.Equbal Wajid was was born in a village named Rajhat in the District of Nawadah [Gaya] Bihar , India in the year 1957.
He has been awarded the Ph.D Degree in Humanites from Magadh Univrsity Bodh Gaya, Bihar,India in the year 1985.
He has worked as a lecturer in the Department of Urdu, Insan College , Kishangaj, Bihar ,India from 1980 to 1994.
He has also worked as an Incharge Department of Organisation and Traning, at Jamia-tul-Falah University, Azamgarh, U.P. India.
He has written a lot of articles on self improvement, motivation, contemporary Urdu fictions, poetry and criticism.
He is the author of two published books.
1.Dimensions [Jehat] and 2. Colour of Valley [Dasht Rang].
These books are related to the fiction and poetry produced by the expatriate writers in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
At present he is earning his bread in a Company in Saudi Arabia as an Assistant HR Administrator.
He likes to read and write things that are useful to the mankind.
He has given a constant and prolonged thaught on the mystery of the Univrese. Life is a great mystry for him.
He is the father of eight childern.