I have been a true blue co-dependent for most of my adult life. Reading Melody Beatty’s book, Co-dependent No More, was a painful experience, I could only read one chapter at a time, it hurt too much! Everything I read in it struck a cord with me, everything except the alcohol part.
Receiving is not about asking people for what you want; rather it is accepting what is given to you, when you are offered what truly would make your heart sing. It is not about accepting whatever is given to you, just because it was offered. When Mom asks if I want the almost new sheepskin duster from the Hall closet, it is okay to say no, if I have not been lusting after one. It is not about making do with what comes my way, but receiving what I want with discernment.
I started this inquiry into receiving when I offered free sample coaching sessions for my business, Change Your Handwriting. Giving a very short time frame for people to send me their handwriting, I offered via my newsletter the opportunity for a free 30-minute coaching session. Over 97% of the women who took me up on the offer had one thing in common. They all placed others before themselves. By this I mean, their highest priority was others, not themselves. Being a Certified Handwriting Consultant who helps people make life changes by altering their handwriting, this was apparent in the way in which they shaped the letter M. I found myself giving them the lecture I needed to hear about taking care of themselves first and then helping others from the abundance they created within themselves. After all, I would explain, you are the only person you will know for the rest of your life- you are your true-life partner. You are the only one who can care for yourself your whole life. On and on I went.
While all of this is quite true and important, I presented it with the zeal of a missionary, being the one that needed to hear it as much as anyone else did. Isn’t it funny that we get to teach what we must learn?
When my world fell apart, my marriage ended, I moved off the Farm, and away from my children, I began to see the world differently. For almost 30 years I had been a Mother and Wife, I had taken those roles very seriously. I knew how to take care of others, did I know how to take care of myself? Was I able to fill my cup up and give from the overflow? Had I learned to place myself first? No, no, and no!
One day I realized I had not received a massage in a long time. I always functioned better when I received the extra touching in a massage. A massage would be nice, I thought. Since I was not bringing in extra income, I wondered how this might happen.
A little while later friend I was scheduled to meet with me that day called and canceled, but gave me a number to call to schedule a free Watsu session (basically, a water massage). I scheduled it for that same day. I have been receiving these free Watsu sessions from someone learning Watsu now for a couple months. It has not always been easy to receive, but I had wanted more massages in my life and here they were. He asked that I spread the word about his Watsu work, which is effortless for me because it is so wonderful.
The next day I had a free Quantum Energy Touch session with a friend who was polishing his skills. And, the next day at Yoga, I was the only person who showed up for class and when asked how I was, I explained my good fortune with the massages. My teacher then did a remarkable thing. She asked if I would mind not doing the usual yoga class, but instead have her massage me. Gulp! Why, yes, of course, why not!
Wow! I understand when the universe speaks to me in sets of three. I had manifested three free massage sessions in three days, with almost no advanced notice. How had this happened? What caused my wish to manifest so thoroughly, and effortlessly, and over the top exactly what I wanted? If I could apply this process to other areas of my life, why, life would be prefect! (What if I was already applying this to my life, consciously or not, and my life was already prefect? This is a much bigger topic for another article!)
To receive: The dictionary says: to take delivery of, to be given, to accept.
To receive is not to ask for what I want until I find someone who will give it to me. It is making a space inside of me to receive, to take delivery of. It is being clear about what it is that would serve me, absolutely clear. For me the power of affirmations is not in repeating the saying over and over again, but in listening to the objections that arise in me as I say the affirmation. This is the stuff the resistance is made of; these are the reasons why I am not receiving what I say I want. When these reasons are made conscious and cleared out, then the way is clear for receiving what it is I want.
I have a rule I follow. (Well, of course, sometime I don’t use it, but I regret it every time.) My rule is this: My answer is “No” to any offer or engagement, unless I am 100% “Yes”. Sometimes I figure out what makes me say “somewhat no” and re-negotiate that part of the offer.
My friend called, “You want a new Queen-size mattress?” She could not fit it inside her storage unit, no matter what she tried. My internal dialogue went something like this: I had thought about wanting a Queen-size mattress, but this one might not be “the one” I want, so I am not 100% sure. After thinking about it for a while, I offered this deal in return: “I am willing to help you out in a pinch, I will take your mattress, but if it is not right for me, I will give it back to you”. This made it 100% yes for me. Deal done, everyone was happy!
Receiving is making a space on the inside into which I can accept. This is often not easy, at least not for a seasoned co-dependent like me. It is easier to give than receive, but not better, both are needed. Giving I stay in control, I have the power. Receiving feels vulnerable, in the flow, and feminine. When I allow myself to receive, fully and openly, I strengthen something inside that makes it easier and easier to allow others to give to me. This is a very sweet something I want more of in my life, how about you?
For more information about Jennifer and her work: www.changeyourhandwriting.com
Jennifer teaches a writing style that prepares individuals to be powerful contributors in the world. Her direct experience of the transformative power of the Vimala alphabet, having reaped the benefits of completely reshaping her own handwriting, has led her to devote her career to sharing this work.
After raising her family Waldorf style, Jennifer is in a new chapter of her life. With time and space to explore, her most precious time is with her alphabetical co-adventurers and dropping into the divine feminine. Long walks, yoga, dance, inner work, healthy lifestyle, social change, and sharing, these feed her soul. Nothing is more satisfying to Jennifer than being a part of transformation, hers or yours. An inspired speaker, people comment on her being luminous or radiant when sharing her work.
With a B.A. degree in Psychology, coaches training by Coaches Training Institute (CTI), and Certification as a Handwriting Consultant through Vimala Rodgers’ International Institute of Handwriting Studies (IIHS) Jennifer brings her professional skills to her profoundly transformative work. She invites you come and share this journey with her!
Jennifer is a mother of three adult children and dances in the Sierra Nevada foothills.