Unpredictable circumstances in life can make us feel as though the results of our actions are beyond our immediate influence. Events including job loss, death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a car accident can leave us feeling helpless: as though the reigns have slipped away from our grasp. Capitalizing on certainty, and regaining control, occurs as a result of minimizing fear and doubt.
The five steps of grieving can provide a concrete map when unfortunate and unexpected circumstances steal our confidence. Their ability to change the unanticipated into the predictable can aid in the restoration of steady and sturdy ground beneath our feet. Everyone prefers stability to quicksand.
Denial
Grief and loss are real. We hate going through sad situations but there are moments in our lives that we experience them and they deserve our attention. This can be very hard for us but we should deal with this stage. The lessons in this realm can strengthen us for the future and prepare us for other blows that may come our way. By denying the truth of what has occurred, we simply delay the healing process. This, in turn, prevents the restoration of a sense of control.
Bargaining
If you intend to take back control of your life, you do not want to spend an inordinate amount of time fictitiously bargaining with the reality of what has occurred. This is just another version of denial. Regaining control requires looking fear in the face or acknowledging and eliminating them: understanding the world around you, seeing it clearly, and moving forward. This cannot occur when you immerse yourself in the fruitless effort of trying to recapture something that no longer exists.
Anger
Psychologists acknowledge that some expressions of anger can be productive. This does not mean that you should act out against yourself or others in destructive ways. It does mean that anger is part of the recognition that the loss does not feel fair or deserved.
Without reaching this level, one cannot graduate to the next. Graduation also signifies that the angered individual has passed the halfway point of the steps in grieving this loss.
Despair
Certainly not a state in which we wish to remain, despair allows a final stage of displeasure for the pain that the loss has caused. Undoubtedly, this is a difficult period of development. We know this is a very critical period and we try to do ways to get through this.
Struggle, however, is one of the ways that we learn. It may help to envision the despairing phase of grief as a cocoon in which we become wrapped, prior to emerging as a multicolored and reborn butterfly that is poised to use its wings.
Acceptance
Reaching acceptance, and regaining control and confidence, becomes a new landmark in our lives. Some people going through grief and other difficult times in their lives reach this stage longer than others. This depends on how they go through each of the stages. It is through loss, grief, and stumbling that we renew, discovering strengths and capabilities we did not realize we possessed prior.
David Hamilton is the founder of everlutional.com - a site dedicated to personal evolution and self-improvement, with simple and powerful methods to help people achieve the transformation in their lives they truly seek.
David is also a professional coach that uses mindfulness as a foundation for working with clients to create powerful change. He blogs regularly at Everlution to help readers expand their possibilities, overcome fear and doubt, and to create passionate lives they truly desire. Read this article to get more self improvement advice.