The Self Esteem Factor

Drugs, alcohol, sex abuse, gang and domestic violence to name a few plague many of our communities. All of these are growing in some areas at an alarming rate. Although there is much talk about solutions, sticking together, reaching out, education and programs to assist in community awareness and development, I find it more effective to get right to the core of the problem. In my new book, The Reclining Master Awaken, “One Minute to Healthy Esteem” I address these all-important issues from an empowering and encouraging perspective.

We have long been in the thought process and of the opinion of the problem being outside or upside, or downtown in some high-rise buildings, or the White House. The attitude that someone else is responsible, has gotten many children and adults in inner cities and abroad stuck into a “poor me” drama. There has been little or no attention given to the inner self that governs how we think, act and live our lives. I call the solution to many, if not all of our problems “Esteem Based.” Self-Esteem says, “I am loved, I am adored, I am worthy, I am free, I am me.” Self-esteem says, “it is alright to be me, to be who, what and where I am right now!” Self-esteem, goes to, the level of being, the I AM in you!

Too many parents, mentors, teachers and preachers are teaching our young children that they must “become” in order to be something or somebody. That sounds fine and dandy, however, our parents, preachers and teachers only taught what they knew. It is important to understand that they did the best they knew how at that time; keep in mind that this is not about blame or making someone else the cause of our life success or failures. Blaming is one of the chief tools of the low self-esteem mentality, which is discussed in detail in my new book, “The Reclining Master Awaken.”

Have you ever seen an unenthusiastic baby? Children are born knowing that they can be, do and have anything that they desire. Self-esteem is not taught to children; children are samples and examples of the epitome of self-esteem! Children come into the world crying asking, laughing, sleeping, eating and enjoying themselves. They expect everything to be there when they desire it. They expect to be fed on time and they set that very time. Children know that they are adored, worthy, valuable, loved and that they can think a thought, cry about it, and food or milk is on it’s way. The point is that, “we are all born with healthy self-esteem, self-worth, inner peace, abundant love, and well-being.” We are all constantly feeling our way through life, bringing to our experience whatever we desire at any point in time. Children are sure, have perfect faith, and have no doubt! They don’t know what believing or not believing is. Children just ARE, because they have true self-esteem.

Children already know that they can fly like Jordan, go to the moon, put on a cape and soar, or be superman or woman, be a doctor, lawyer, a great inventor, philanthropist or whatever they desire to be, do and have. What happens as they grow up? They often hear, “you can’t do this or that, you can’t just fly and live your dreams, you must attend this school or that school and get this or that degree to be somebody.” We often hear from our parents, “I want you to be somebody, to be something one day.” This is a sure self-esteem buster in that, “we all are already somebody, and we do not require becoming anybody.” The message may sound good and wholesome, but telling a little child that they must become somebody is like telling a horse that it must become a horse, or telling a fish that it must learn to like water so that it can swim.

Low self-esteem is about seeking approval from others to be who you already are. Imagine an eagle seeking permission from a bear to soar and fly above the mountain peak. That is ridiculous. It is no less ridiculous than you or me, seeking someone else’s approval to be great, marvelous, magnificent and genius. When we seek the approval of others, we become their slave. Be it our parents, uncles, friends, professors, or the president of the United States, we give our rights away as powerful co-creators of our own destinies when we seek the approval of others. To seek opinions, the ideas and input of others is all right, and sometimes helpful, but to seek approval is unhealthy and is a destroyer of life itself.

Children being involved in gangs, teenage pregnancy, and drug use are all caused by thoughts of “low self-esteem,” or feelings of “I am not good enough on some level.” The use of drugs, the sex, the violence, and the anger is not about those things, but they are about seeking love, and feelings of self -worth.

One exercise that I give my clients that I coach (to find out more about our coaching services go to www.esteemnow.com) on a one on one basis is this; I ask my clients to repeat 21 times in the morning and 21 times at night before going to bed, “I love and approve of my self, I appreciate my self for who, what and where I am right now.” I usually ask my coaching clients to stand in front of a mirror and say these affirmations, while wrapping there arms around their body. This is very effective because it sends a powerful message to your subconscious mind that says, “I am comfortable with myself, and I am allowing myself to feel good about me as I should. This is the core message of my new book, “The Reclining Master Awaken.”

That is the awesome power of love. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and the greatest. The Bible says, “Love Your Neighbor As Your Self.” How can you love your neighbor or anyone, if you do not know how to love your self? Healthy self-esteem is about loving your self, and telling your self, “I love and approve of my self, I am good enough, I am valuable and I am worthy.” Only then can the ills that plague our communities be uprooted and cast from our lives. Remember, all violence, disease, and use of drugs and so on are pleas for attention, for approval and for love. These things are pleas from the child in you for attention. You are the most important person on the planet.