If you are the parent of a child who can at times be frustrating or rebellious, it can feel challenging when you are giving instructions, parenting or asking your child to do something that he or she refuses to do. You can learn to help yourself and to rid your anger by learning specific techniques on how to control your anger when your kids aren't living up to their full potential. This is possible by reading books and also by seeking help from a family counselor who is able to help with breaking communication barriers to improve the overall relationship you have with your child. However, if you are looking for both professional advice and the convenience of staying at home, online anger management classes is the path to pursue.
Dealing With Your Own Emotions
When you are struggling with your child's behavior and you believe they are not living up to their own potential, it is important to take a step back to review your own motivation for these emotions. Do your feelings reflect a standard you did not live up to yourself? Do you just know that your child is smarter than he is acting? Reflecting on why the situation is bothering you is key to grasping how you can overcome the anger it causes. Some positive lifestyle changes to initially help the parent calm down are to take deep breaths and to add exercise and incorporate yoga into your daily routine. These techniques will help you to relax and manage your stress on a daily basis. This in turn will benefit your relationship with your child by making you a more balanced, stable and calm person.
Having a Support System for Your Child (and Yourself)
If you are unhappy with your child’s behavior as you feel it is misguided, it is good to have your own outlet and support system including a therapist, an online program, your spouse or a close friend or family member. This allows you to let off steam to another adult, so you can better avoid angry outbursts when speaking with your child about the issue. Working the issues through with a therapist, friend or spouse, basically doing your homework prior to confronting your child, will help to create a more constructive and calm conversation. This approach will ultimately lead to positive discussions with your child rather than creating a huge argumentative, disruptive atmosphere.
Avoid Being Too Harsh on Yourself
When you feel your child is not living up to his or her own potential, it is vital to ask yourself why and also to know that you cannot hold yourself entirely responsible, especially if your child is an adult or living on their own already. Human nature causes everyone to make mistakes and to take their own paths, so it is important to understand that the life plan you may have detailed out is not always going to be right for all of your children. It is important not to allow this to cause great stress or make you believe this is your own fault or failure. Instead, it is an opportunity to allow your child to grow and to take his or her own path in life. Once you can take a step back, you will have a better chance at creating a positive relationship. If you give them some space to make their own mistakes and choices, you will be more likely to have the ability to give advice and guidance. Therefore, it is most important to control your anger and find other outlets to manage your disappointments or issues instead of taking it out on your child.
Ari Novick, Ph.D. is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Dr. Novick is also an adjunct professor of psychology at Pepperdine University's Graduate School of Education and Psychology.
He is Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a certified anger management provider for both adults and adolescents. Click here for more information on Anger Management Classes
Dr. Ari Novick is a psychotherapist who also provides world class Parenting Classes Online.