It is not easy to have bipolar disorder, nor is it easy to be a caregiver, family member, or friend of someone who is. “Bipolar relationships” are difficult because the symptoms are so changeable. Your friend or loved one can be flying high today with mania only to dive into the pit of despair tomorrow. Since you can’t fix their diagnosis, what can you do that will help?
One word to keep in mind is “support.” Often that is the best and only thing you can do. For example, it is hard to watch someone with manic symptoms make poor choices. You worry about the consequences even if they don’t. However, trying to push advice on anyone, bipolar or not, is usually not fruitful.
Unless the one you are helping is putting himself or someone else in danger (call 911), you are better off suggesting better options. People with bipolar disorder often learn only through trial and error, like most of us.
Your influence will generally reflect the compassion, and understanding you have given your friend or loved one. You can show understanding simply by listening to them without offering solutions to their problems. Listening in this way lets him or her know you accept them and see him or her as a person, not a problem to fix.
As friend or family member, take the time to be present for the person’s important events, or to accompany them to appointments. Doctor appointments can feel overwhelming, intimidating, or confusing to someone with a mental illness. Having another along is reassuring and comforting. Remember though, you are there to support, not to speak for your friend.
Optimism is contagious, and those with bipolar disorder often are in need of some. If you look at situations in a positive way it will help your loved one to do the same, or at least consider doing the same.
The only way to consistently support a person with bipolar disorder is to take care of yourself. You need time to do things you enjoy, get exercise, take care of personal business, and socialize with friends. No caregiver should suffer physical or verbal abuse from their friend, or be subject to guilt trips. If you need help with care giving, ask someone.
You may want to create a plan to manage emergency situations such as your family member being out of control or talking about suicide. Have your friend tell you what first signs of increasing symptoms to watch for. Ask your friend what does and does not feel supportive to them, and what you should do to if they are already off the track.
The plan will only help if it is made with your loved one or friend when they are calm and able to reason. If you live with this person, planning who does what around the house might stop some arguments before they start. It will build trust and strengthen the relationship.
Jacqueline Marshall is a freelance writer in the field of psychology and personal development. She has an MA in Counseling Psychology and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Illinois and has 12 years of experience helping those with chronic mental illness.
Jacqueline writes regularly for Help For Depression (helpfordepression.com) and authors a column, Tango of Mind and Emotions, for Washington Times Communities in the Health and Science section.